school textbook

The Word of Thy Kong

The world at one time was nothing but pudding. God looked down upon his creation and thought "I can't eat all this pudding" he looked in the mirror and a image of bill cosby our lord and savior appeared. With a face shimmering with kindness he smiled, opened his mouth and all of the things of the world today fell out of his mouth. In those bountiful amount of things that came out of God's mother was Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong should be idled for thy Kong is thy Bomb. Donkey Kong was the first being ever it was created by nothing and shall be worshipped by all. Everytime some one mentions Donkey Kong you must obey and say "Kong is thy Bomb". Kong only asks of us for 10 simple tasks:

1. Do not eat thy bananas for thy bananas are for thy Kong

2. Do not praise other Kongs for he is the only Kong.

3. Do not kill other humans for it is wrong. Ya Know?

4-10. You must sing the Kong Song 6 times while standing on the top of a tree beating your chest. singing "Kong is thy Bomb"

That is the word of the Kong.

From, John 3

A New Era of Hero

Welcome to a new decade. A period of discovery, of achievement, of mystery. Within this decade, like every decade anticeeding it, there is the need for a hero. You need someone who will answer the call of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. With new eras, come new changes. With new changes come changes even within the super hero realms. With the dawning of a new decade i propose the dawning of a new band of superheroes: (to be subsequently turned into Marvel movies for the benefits of the Tingy Wingy blog creators and to the fund for improved superheroes).
1. The huge pelvic womans son- she's got a giant pelvis and this baby with a giant brain comes out, Mars Attacks! head. He even looks like one of those aliens. And for this reason people hate him. And they, in time, gather outside his house with torches and pitchforks, but the love of his mother saves him. She suckles him on her tite and sends him down the river in a thatch raft. She then sacrafices herself to the mob in order to ensure her sons getaway and the solace that through death she will inspire her son to a greater being. The baby has a huge head and grows up looking sickly and alien and everyone gives him crap in school. He ends up having a brain aneuriysm when he sees his first nipple.
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END
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School Textbook for Sixth Graders
Chapter Two

The God's of the First Epoch

In that time the lands were filled with many peoples, boasting many deitites. In this land were the realms of Augustine of Antilock, Barbiduabose of Trinta and, Mecadousa of Intithion. There god's Dickus Primus, Tuberculous Maximus, and Ball Sack all battled for sway and obedience. Dickus Primus was represented in the sky by the two largest stars horizontal to each other and all the stars in between going southern. Tuberculous was all the diseases that plagued everything in the villages, Ball Sack was all the faiths ballsacks. Men and women alike praised the ball sac. But then one day the ball sack was forgotten, and people began turning to cruelity, evil, and false god. The ball sack while still remaining present in everyday life became a subject of taboo, the true power of its worship untapped by the lost children of the world. then one day a child was born of a slut in the poshist hotel in land .

story time

to be taught to all sixth graders

columbus was an explorer the last of his kind. that man was a fucking legend in his time. His whole life he was in his prime. He was also talkin bout pussy night and day. When he found america he wrote to spain asking it to be called pussy island, but spain rejected to request. Living amongst the Indians columbus decided them to be dirty savages and while still enjoyed as he said "playing with their boobies" he thought they should be slaughtered. He traveled back to Spain towards the end of the journey and spent the rest of his days pumping iron in the gym, he last words said to be "dude wheres my car" forshadowing the great american classic staring our supreme leader ashton kutcher.

7 A.M. You Bastard

Wtf 7 am? You creepy little bastard?! What happened to 12 am you fucking little cannibal like kevin from sin city? you ate him didn't you, you sick pervert.....wake up, that's the message of Avatar patrick. they said it like 3 times, why dont you do it? maybe it's because the real world on pandora is so balls to the wall crazy, i like our worlds pandora more. A world of music discovery versus a world of shit that wants to kill you but at the same time our pandora doesn't let you plug into a terodactyl and let you fly over floating mountains.....you give and you take i suppose.....but let me expand on avatar b/c everyone has seen it and so, this could give our blog grounds to appeal to the masses: you see avatar is aboooooot the native americans and they were like we love nature but enough about avatar let me tell you about myself. yeah i discovered uhh some electro on pandora but maybe i don't like our pandora that much. it gives me too much bullshit i've already heard it's like yeah I like "insert song you like here" but i don't fucking like gym class heroes. i feel like gym class heroes invented pandora and have some kind of agenda for the website, their songs pop up no matter what genre or song you initially put in....Oh you like "Yesterday" by The Beatles? Well we advise you to listen to "Girl Friend" by gym class heroes because its "got a chorus and some funky tones".....This isn't the pandora that james cameron invisioned, he would be sickened. And James Cameron for that point, I represent more of the past James Cameron, the ideal one, then he does himself, i think, because I like Aliens a lot. It's like "Hey present James Cameron! Make fucking Aliens again!" (me James Cameron from the past). What a goddamn phoney. Sometimes phoney is the best word you can use because people are so goddamn phoney sometimes. Like James Cameron. But also like Matillda and yeah I mean like Matillda goes to Paris, what a fucking phoney. She was too fucking young and american to get french culture, where does she get off teaching young americans french? on that level, dora the explorer? what does she really explore? truley nothing meaningful like science, the arts, or history, she looks for a fucking animated shovel or some shit. the kids, the kids, the kids. what're we to do with the kids after they grow up off this gobbly gook? i say put them all in low end jobs: sewage, waste, cubicles, homeless ppl etc. let them do our bidding, i mean young kids scare me. they get crazy, fuck im even scared of my own generation. i literally piss myself everytime i talk to someone my own age out of fear. fear of being extorted, pillaged, raped, burned, or even loved. Love is a complicated emotion. I've got some theories for you readers: 1. Christmas Lights: just a ploy by trees to be visible during the night. yeah ive fucking seen avator you schemey little trees i know that you've got energy like a USB drive, where do you think you get by on this unoriginal bullshit? i'm sick of these james cameron knocks offs you goddamn trees. where do you get off on this? nowhere you plotting mother fuckers. 2: Snow: slowly trying to kill us all. yeah, cold and the death of all living outdoor things, you dont think i know Snow? im watching you fall out of the clouds with a doubting thomas eye you sketchball motha fuckas. 3. People who bring up numerical points with only two points: you dont need to break it down into numbers or bullet points, you only need to make a compound sentence you surly freak ass fuckas. Is this a valid point: Or just a point I've created to fulfill my own desires of a third point so that I can alleviate my own irritations that come from people making pointed points with only two points??? Watch Avatar to discover the truth. But then again, maybe don't. Only James Cameron's vision knows the truth. And not 7 am that lying cunt. Christ Andrews up now. And I dont mean "Christ Andrew" although that makes me lol to think about. I hear SILVERWARE!!!! If there were no problems with this notion, I would go see Andrews bridge right now, drunk as shit and without a wink of sleep. And you know, oh fuck the door almost opened, what i would tell everyone in that class? I'd tell them about the dawn of the ankylosaurous. I would also tell them about the yankees and fucking mariano rivera. I'd say "fuck that mariano rivera has got our number!" and those phoney highschool seniors would say, "so does American Eagle!" and I'd say "Maybe that eagle, and marionos fastball have something in common." and then we'd all be onto something. Something that probably has to do with Avatar. But only James Cameron knows for sure.

Ocho Cinco 2K11

Breaking News from TTWBlog: Chad Ocho Cinco Football 2K11. A game very similar to Madden's Be a Pro Mode wherein you create a professional player, at the position of your choice, and try to reach the highest points of a professional career a la Pacman Jones when you can make it rain in the club. Features include your choice of tweets, after a game in which you featured little, including: A. "My coach is a bigot bitch whose rotting in my personal hell." B. "Who dem dat gonna stop dem me?" C. "Suck my Cock." A cross between grand theft auto and professional football this game lets you step your "game" up. Juice up! Collect DUIs! Pre-meditate celebrations! Go Tiger Woods on your hoe! Skip out on training camp for an extra $10 million to "feed your family"!

take my strong hand

http://medicaltranscriptionist.org/biologically-curious/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/largehand.jpg

real developmental deformity called macrodactyly

Making Nothing Out Of Sense

New Tingy Wingy Blog Feature: Sweet-Ass Games!!

We here at the Tingy Wing blog always want to give our reader access to the newest and hottest interests in the world today! We know how much time is invested in gaming in today's day and age and we humbly offer our home, http://www.tingywingys.blogspot.com/ , as a forum for experiencing the joys of gaming in the 2st century! We give you: Pencil Target!

Set up and play:

1. Print out and cut along dotted lines.

2. Drop pencil onto target, taking clear notice of where the pencil's lead makes a dot on the target, and reward yourself the appropriate points!

3. Grab a buddy and alternate turns competing over Pencil Target Live (TM), connecting friends currently in the near proximity of each other!

Coach Says Team "Having Trouble Finding Their Genitals"

The head coach of a team participating in the upcoming championship of their respective sport described the atmosphere in the team's camp as being "completely panicked and dreadful of the future". With the championship game merely days away the coach explained, "with millions of viewers, constant media scrutiny, and so much at stake we're all basically shitting ourselves." When asked about the teams preparations the coach told reporters, "We're completely altering our daily routines and treating this game as something completely foreign to ourselves, the be-all end-all of our very existences". "Christ help us" he quipped as he nervously wiped noticeable streaming sweat beads off his forehead and struggled to mask the quivering fear in his voice that was as telling as his flushed and ghostly complexion.

Have You Ever Noticed That...

People back in the day had a lot shorter names - like Paul, or Rud, or Ben, or Tate; never over four letters. I think that's because nobody back then could spell or write so they just made it easy on themselves or because they all died before 30 so Thomas Paine just proclaimed "Well Fuck It!" even though that aristocratic bastard had a 6 letter name. It was a much simpler time and a lot worse time to have polio.

CD Review #1

Great new feature from the Tingy Wingy thought palace: CD Reviews

The One Stop Shop for Where Should I Stop For What CDs To Shop For

Reviewed completely with 30 second iTunes previews!

This Weeks CD:

Puddle of Mud
Volume 4: Songs In the Key of Love & Hate (Deluxe Emo-Grunge Bullshit Version)

The albums hit single is about how getting high is better than listening to a dumb girlfriend. I don't know how they came up with such profound lyricisms, I'm willing to bet they plagiarized Henry David Thoreau for something that transcendental and earth shattering. The next song is about how the singers sex is like a spaceship...or something. Anyway he's a really succesful music artist so that has to be true. The songs have a solid mix of guitars and drums and mostly sound the same. Every song has something like "leeeetss keeeep it tooogether" or "goooooonnnna fallllll appppaaarrrtt" or some other form of one building his own entity up or keeping the status quo or it all falling apart. So I have reason to believe the lead singer is capable of the whole spectrum of human emotion. Which is basically feeling happy, medium, or sad. Once again, I think they stole this genius, and the ability to express it in music form, from Thoreau. All in all I think theyre lyrics are stolen because they're too original and incredible and the music is like guitars and drums.

Tingy Wingy Grade: D+

reviews for 5 hour energy drink

Hi my name is Gary and I've been struggling with energy for years. tried me one of them 5 hour energy drinks and fell asleep an hour later. i cant complain though, i was running all over the fuckin place in the dream i had, haven't had that kind of energy in a dream in years. if your looking to boost your dream energy this product is right for you. if your looking to stay awake in the real world, then this product is shit.

--Gary, Indiana

Getting on the Level

While utilizing the "Next Blog" tool at the top of screen to jump from random blog to random blog, I noticed an alarming trend that we ourselves had not covered. Many young families are utilizing blogs, and garnering quite a bit of success, by posting pictures of their precious and adorable kids and what shenanigans they're up to. Well, we here at the tingy wingy thought collective were not to be left behind so we've got our own little one that we'll now check in with from time to time just to give you-the reader-that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart that really only the smile and laughter of a small child can bring. So without further adu: Meet Dill Pickle! The sweet and innocent baby baby!

Man Who Spends Time Compiling Top Party School Lists Stops To Ask "Why?"

After 23 years testing various means and methods to compile verifiable facts and subsequently publish those statistics in the very systematic and structural form of a list, Toben Keets, 45 year-old Top Party School rankings creator, took the time out of a Thirsty Thursday dorm party at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York to really question his profession, his goals, and his place in life. "Who the fuck are you even?" a befuddled and foundationally rocked Keets asked 18-year-old Freshman and liberal arts major Sarah Thompson. "Jesus," he added in contempt as he threw back a shot of hard liquor, which had become his major form of solace and escape over the years, his 16th of the night. A disgusted and defeated look shown in his gaze as he struggled to accurately survey his surroundings, an alcohol induced rage slowly glazing over his eyes as he took in the same scenario he'd seen over a thousand times. "Oh! A Bob Marly poster! Real fucking original!" he cried as he stubbled to the near wall and in one motion tore the canvas off the wall, lost his footing, crashed to the floor, and displaced a myriad of dorm room objects all in a drunken tirade. "You have to get the hell out of here dude," said Mark Weston, 19 year-old freshman and poly sci major, grabbing Keets by the back of his shirt collar and dragging him out the room before dropping him in a heap in the dormitory hallway and slamming the door behind him. Toben lay on the floor, tears streaming out his eyes, he was lost, lost, lost- wasting his days in meaningless and empty chirades. "Not bad," he thought- crawling to his feet and scrawling in his Mead notebook, "somewhere between Millsaps College and Tulane University"

I thought i told you stay out of that barn

I thought I told you stay out of that barn!

(a weekly advise column by popeye jones)

I told you that barn is off limits. No body sposed to goes in there!  Its off limits

and such.  Whats in that barns Isss dont know, but is not for a lookin at!  

Now that ives got you to stay away from your local barn i would like to speak

to you on other topics in which i feel confident my advise will please your kindred spirit.  Take time to breath air.  Air is good for the kindred of spirits.  Take time to see the world, seeing will bring images to the little man in your brain who will look upon these images with great joy.  Take time out of your day and bake a cake.  Cake is what the greeks used to say was good eats.  So far I have just given you the wisdom of the elders, those elderly men who speak to me in my dreams.  This is nice for you, but for me I will have to tell the elders of this talk, and this are angry about what I did....dot dot dot. Next week i will be giving my advise on children, disease, and poetry.  Good night, and stay out of that barn!

My chef d'œuvre

Six ships were rowing into the abyss, all summoned by the great God of the waters. Six ships were rowing with purpose and with stride. One from the great imperial power of England, one from the sea fairing nation of Spain, one bearing passage from the mighty and feared nation of Russia, one from the proud country of Germany, another from the orient of China, and a final from the foolish nation of America. Along the way, so told Poseidon, great troubles and quarrels shall these countries encounter. Through the turmoil of the first great sea storm- so did Germany attempt to board the vassel of England, as their goods did they enquire. When the swells and gray had relented-so did the vission of these two great naval nations. And was left the notions of Spain, Russia, China, and America. Upon the second challenge, after the clearing of this tragedy, was the withdrawl of China, for the reward did not match the sacrifice as far as they could foretell. And thus it was: Spain, Russia, and America. Upon the third obsticale did they reach- a land of ice and entrapment and within did the sea fairing nation of Spain relent; they knew not of such traversing. But onward did Russia carry: they knew of such troubles, and onward did America carry: they cared not of such troubles. And so did these two seekers contend: equal in stern, brow, and star board as runners, both gifted with the talents of each other, and beaching upon the land they both seeked, they saw an image of which neither could speak: Upon this ground, was already a flag stricken deep. And near it was a declaration written in sand: I claim this land in the name of our Lord and God Herschel Walker.

what they didn't tell you about 2012

you heard all about 2012 from such trusted and informative channels as the history channel.  the basic story line is--things get out of wack in the universe and shit gets crazy...everything that can go wrong will go wrong and it will end.  how do we know this, well the reliable source is the aztecs who were so busy predicting the end of the world that they got conquered by about 200 white dudes who showed up looking for india.  

but this is only the beginning, for the other most trusted source on the planet, dan brown, has a lot to say on the topic.  dan says "there is a symbol of a halk that when the moon shines looks almost like an eagle, and it is the secret of the illuminate that the eagle is represents the fate of mankind" this has been the secret of the ages says dan, and it was actually what jesus was trying to talk about, but it got all mixed up and shit.  so in his book dan explains that a havard professor named robert langdon ended up one day in a perkins because he read about sam perkins and sam perkins dad was found with an eagle in his house on the day of the moon.  to be continued

tell me more about my eyes

it was a sunny day out, the sky had a sun in it and it was bright as fuck. jeremy looked up in the sky and the rays of energy from the sun hurt sooooo much. "oh my god fuckin shit with this sun and everything", said jeremy

"whats with you and the sun", said bobby bonilla of the pittsburgh pirates

"bobby what are you doing here", said jeremy

"i'm looking for big league chew" said bobby

"your what?" said jeremy

"forget it" said bobby

"forget what" said jeremy

bobby took a gun out and shot jeremy in the face. blood was everywhere, just like sand is everywhere in the desert.

bobby was like "oh no i just killed this guy and im going to be late for work". it was like a lobster who gets stuck and can't get back for the ocean life that he needs to get back for except worse.

to be continued

the idiots wont read our blog

this is to all the idiots out there who aren't reading this fuck you, you dick heads. your heads are made out of dicks and its a shame. this blog is not for you, it is for a certain sort of people

people the blog is for

Inclusion category: have >1 arm(s)

exclusion category: have <1 arm

there will be more exclusion once enough people belong to this blog that we can get picky. that is when you will have to read this blog with fear. the fear that you will one day be excluded from the blog.

Gumption

Here at the Tingy Wingy thought quarters we never lack the nerve or vindication to pose the questions that need to be asked, here we are always pushing the reader's soul to new plains of thought and recognition. Here: is a forum that exists neither here nor there. Here, are mortals spewing their souls for transient beings and for immortal feelings. And so:;,!?.

Ponder:

For Madmen Only

Hearye, Hearye. As we approach the 1 year anniversary of the newly annoited Tingy Wingy blog we approach a great period of celebration and, ye, contemplation. Where do we go from here? What have we solved? What differance have we made? And while the followers of the blog may still be numbered at the complete absence of numbering that is "0" I argue that the influence of this blog is widespread, epidemic. This blog will reside within the confines of deep cyberspace for all eternity. We can argue that though our lives may well end within this 21st Century, cyber space will live on. And who can protest that the cannon of greatness through which all artists have striven has not been attained long after their own death? This blog is not an attempt to answer lifes greatest riddles at one instance of finger to key, nah, this blog is a continous and evolving treatisie between two men and their preceptions and wealth of experience. And who can contest this? Genius-is often time the realization of public conciousness within the public sphere. And while, yes, this blog is many, many, many hits away from being concious within the public sphere....who can tell how far away it truely is??????

11:30 pm Sunday Night

Television show idea- A weekly program called 11:30 pm Sunday night.Runs from 11:30-12 every sunday night, the thirty minute block of time each week wherein you quietly ponder the perplexities of life, the absurdities of existance, and feel a general apathy over the gruelling week to come. its a depressing show but its got some heart.

Is This What Happens At Med-School?

shitting your pants

not many of us will do it past a certain age, but if you do make that mistake and others find out about it your reputation is ruined instantly.  people sometimes ask if you could have one super power what would it be? i would say the ability to make anyone i wanted shit their pants at anytime.  imagine someone else has that power and your sitting in the middle of class or in a meeting and all of a sudden you just start shitting in your pants uncontrollably.  whats your reaction, what can you possibly say?  hopefully you don't say OH NO outloud..still got a shot at an escape...but then the smell, and you know some people will enthusiastically want to be the first to proclaim "he just shit himself"  i would use the power very discretely, only getting the blowhards of the world during there most self rightous moments.  the ultimate truth of all those celebrities, admired thinkers, powerful diplomats is that at the end of the day they have to sit down and take a shit like the rest of us...presumably after jesus was done talking about the kingdom of heaven he was squat down in a bush shitting his brains out from the filthy food they used to eat in those days...whenever people get to serious about life because of the words we use with each other that fill us with grand emotions, the fact that in order to just keep talking day to day we have to shove food in our mouth and shit and piss it out reveals the reality which is that we really are just animals at the end of the day.  the fact that we treat shitting and pissing as such a private matter, that mistakes during the process create almost the greatest shame one can feel, and that much of the profanity considered so taboo publically words deal with excrement also suggests that we are doing everything in our power to keep hush our animal place in the world.  the other side of it is that there is such a thing as potty humor, so even though we build about this wall to hide our trully animal behaviors we acknowledge how rediculous the entire thing is.  we set up life as pretty straight forward and purposeful, but its like humor is really anything that goes against this by being rediculous and making little sense.  blah blah blah end of blog

A Message from Mike Tomalin: Go Fuck Yourself

Jon Gruden has been accused of 7 acts of arson, 56 accounts of third degree murder, grand heresy, treason, intent to incite, indesent exposure, and public intoxication all in accordance with what he said, "personally embodies the NFL Cares campaign".

I'm NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and I approve this message.

applebees

applebees commercials---series of commercials of people in a car driving to events they've been waiting their whole life to see- concerts, championship games. starts with them all exciting "dude i can't believe were going to this game, im living out my dream" then on their way to the game they drive by an applebees, they all start talking about meals on the menu "oh the appetizer sampler sounds so good right now" a moment of silence, then they all look at each other. someone shouts turn the car around were going to applebees. they run up to applebees and procede to act like they are having the best time of there life...then the catch phrase--applebees its just that good, or applebees with a menu like this you can't go wrong

last night we smoked and were going to go to saw VI, but saw an applebees on the way and just turned around and went there instead--we thought of these commercials

New Idea

Whenever I pick up my phone from now on, regardless of whose on the other line, I'm going to answer by saying, "Are you willing to cooperate now?"

I Be Rocking A Hampster Operated Television Unit

"With my hampster wheel powered TV, I get two or three channels in very shitty definition."

Song Deconstruction

In A Place As Mortifying As This...

The First In A Series Of Guest Blogs By:
Marty Pendleton

Reporting From

HELL

Well, well whose this? If it isn't Anubis asking me to produce forth my heart so he can determine my worthiness to enter the realm of the dead. Hmmm unworthy you say? Eternal damnnation you propose? It seems as though your surley ways have caught up to you Mr. Pendleton. Yessiree. Oh, hello there! How do you do? Pain and Panic I presume, the faithful servants of Hades. Oh no I'm not busy....how long am I here for? Well all eternity from what I can gather. Would I like to begin my endless cycle through Daunte's 9 circles of hell? Erm, what do I do there? Spend the first 10 centuries repeatedly flogged all whilst a buzzard picks out my insides only to have them replenished just to have them picked out again? Heyy now just a second what kind of place is thi......AHHHHHHHH



All views and opinions expressed in this column are of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of this website or its sponsors.

Shaping the Blog

Things to think about (incorporate) in the blog/flourishing business models in recession

An Economic

Theory

By Connor Fleming

The last five commercials I saw had something to do with the recession and I thought, if these companies are talking about the recession but still have enough revenue to advertize on TV they must be doing well, even flourishing in the crisis, they're business models of the now: snickers, dave and busters, miracle whip, and inventhelp for inventors. This could be what our future is as a society: cheap candy that satisfies our hunger or "dehungerizes" us. A modern kind of medival carnival act where we get cheap deep fried food and get digital entertainment at one place aka Dave and Busters, Miracle Whip...which will just still be around and will be the main condiment for all food, and Inventors: the only people who dont sit around at dave and busters eating snickers covered in miracle whip when they're not working for their company of employment (Snickers, dave and busters, or miracle whip). But the inventors in this society are all like the mad scientists of the medival period and alchemists who believed in the dark arts because they're just about as dumb as the rest of the society they were raised in. Enter: The protaganist.

break it down for us tom jackson

its the year 2200. society has lost its moral compass because of the gays and grandtheft auto.  want evidence just take a look at some of the the nfl team names:

The New York 911s

The New Jersey Aushwitz

The Colorado Columbines: first 100 hundreds kids that show up get shot

Similar theme to the idea to the movie idiocracy but this is a fully functioning society with no morals-this movie is currently in preproduction.  could be a satire of how old people always think things will go to shit by taking it to the extreme.  

WOW

i love that song

GOGT EXCLUSIVE: WAR!

War has broken in the East! Kim Jong-il and North Korea have invaded South Korea encountering staunch South Korean resistance! Exclusive GOGT video:

3 Things

This is a new segment where I share three things with the reader (you) that I think you will enjoy.

1. Watchmen
Go to borders and get this book. No questions asked. I'm reading it for my Topics in Graphic Novels class and its incredible.

2. FIFA 10

3. Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness

T-Shirt Idea

"Poke checks are gay."

couple of song ideas

these guys (and i won't do give them the honor of naming them by their birth names) with their I'm on a boat video have taken to the internet with there rather simple ideas for songs and have literally taken the nation by storm in the figurative sense. well i for one am appalled with our inability to match these so called song makers with a sort of tupac-biggie rivalry. lets be honest this blog has the potential to literally take the nation by storm in the figurative sense if only we gave it the chance to dance. if only we could take this blog by our very hands, remove its pants, and expose its junk to all those naysayers. it would shock the nation in every sense of the word nation. and it begins with the ideas that follow. never before have such ideas graced the realm of written word, only have they floated in the consciousness of one rather simple cousin of a chimpanzee ready to be expounded upon by his very own brother. in the realm of thoughts have these words been plucked, brewed by a web of beliefs, a set of personal dispositions, and a slight mix of the chemical properly known as 'liquid confidence'. these words that will follow will no doubt be expounded upon by the fellow member of this blog, and within the universe of his experience will be molded and adapted into the most profound and life shattering result that forever the words when seen in paper will most likely be viewed with the aid of sun glasses. what follows is my ideas for the first three songs of our album:

song one: a song glorify those overlooked bits of money: QUARTERS AND SHIT.
general flow of song:
Big coins, Quarters and Shit
We got nickles and dimes, enough to buy a twix (shiiiiit)

song two: a song about dry humping
general flow of song:
this song need a beatohven like background...its a ballet to dry humping
don't know the words yet but this is a big song for the album lets at least admit that

song three:
this is a song hard to explain but i already thought of the beat and the music video so you gotta trust me with it

chorus:
Why you gotta be a fuckin pussy like dat
Ima smash in the face wid a baseball bat
Got a fresh pair a nikes and the yankees on my cap
Want you bust out your titties and put that milk on tap

movie idea

heres a general movie plot i was thinking of:
story of two single dad's who are neighbors each with one son in the same grade. both sons have andrew breview like coordination but each dad thinks the sons will be future pros. distraught over the fact their sons aren't getting any playing time they scheme to find a way to take over as coaches of the football team (haven't decided what age football would be best) this could include murdering the coaching staff, or some other scheme. once they get to be coaches they start their sons at QB and RB and the team loses every game the rest of the season. other parts that play out in the move: slowly learn how both of the dad's wives died--in tubing accident where tube crashed into a deck,(or could think of a variety of other deaths). could end movie in a variety of ways-like there sons end up being gay together and the fathers hate fags so they kill them both, or maybe the dads end up also deciding to be gay together.

i think this idea needs work but theres a lot of things we could add into from our own experiences with youth sports and parents who are obsessed with their own kids. could play of a lot of highschool stereotypes and make it have a not another teen movie type of a feel, or could go in the direction of a documentary type comedy

cool guys don't look at explosions

heres an idea for a punked episode. The guys friends act like there pissed off at the guy and tell him to stop hiding secrets from them (they are out on the lake on a boat). Then they start threatening him for his money. They tie him up with ducktape and say they are going to murder him. They chuck him in the lake with an anchor attached. The guy is now sinking down into the ocean thinking "what the fuck, I am actually being murdered right now..oh god i dont want to die, this can not be happening". then scuba divers rescue him, remove the duck tape. then ashton kutcher runs out and says " dudeski iski wantski toski tellski youski thatski youski gotski punkedski

this version is also good

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZoabOAtTQI

The Fountain

It's by the guy who directed Pi and Requiem for a Dream so it's kinda crazy but it's good.

The Fountain

good movie you should watch

State of the Blog

I don't know about video's, I'm sure you could though there's an add video up in the toolbar when you post. I think more writers would be good, I also think we should have a link to an online store as well where we sell merchandise. we could make bad ass clothes and stickers and pins for all of our readers.

blog about our blog

is there any way we could post video blogs on this thing

this blog needs more topics, more activity, and perhaps more users....could get eric and andrew to join

are you going to come home at all after the school year, you should try to come home for a week after my graduation if you don't got the job starting yet, ill get some green trees for that week just a summer week by the pool...gotta make it happen

no memory

did i post that last one about yoda or did you, i cant remember if i went on this saturday night. chop chop, and cherrios. you should post that movie script youve been working on, i want to contribute. we need to write a movie and then film it in the back yard this summer. any word on jobs

things are always the same

the thing about things is things are always so you knoww..........if you know what i mean...........iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wA A AS THINKING about the planet today and it occured to me head, what if yoda wasn't just a character in a movie, but what if he was actually a employee at mcdonalds.......a solid thought if i don't say so myself. here is were this post gets tricky.

Suuuper

watch this goal from c. ronaldo. it sent man utd into the champs league semi's along with chelsea, barcelona, and arsenal. i'd reccomend watching those games

this looks sweet

i don't remember if i ever showed this to you or if i ever mentioned it to you. there's even the slight possibility that you showed this to me. however this looks awesome.

Good Song

i think you'll like this song, i sure do. it was never released so i don't know how to find it other than here though.

funniest guy ever

look up Karl Pilkington on youtube i was crying at some of the clips they had with him

The Boston Massacre

"When I think Boston I don't think... Cheer-leaders."

Game One of the Eastern Conference playoffs between Boston and Chicago ended in tragedy as a deranged fan stormed the court and killed every player. The fan apparently did not realize that overtime was a possibility within the rules of basketball as he rushed the floor screaming to the heavens, "if a result cannot be achieved within the limits of time, are we not all opening some sort of black whole whereupon all time has ceased with no obtainable result? Is this not life that we are all in an undecidable game as time slowly runs out?" 10 players suffered fatal wounds. Game 2 is Monday in Boston.

New Nickname for Rajon Rondo

"Little Pharaoh Boy"

T-Shirt Idea

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Protoss Discovered in Far off Orion Nebula

The US Government announced in a statement today that they had indeed found an alien civilization very similar to that of the Protoss race from the PC game Starcraft: Brood War. The hubble telescope revealed a large buildup of some sort close to one of the stars on the belt of Orion. A sattelite image confirmed that the buildup was indeed 12 protoss "carriers", and 12 "scouts", also confirming the militaries belief that the potential alien invaders could only "click" and "move" 12 units at a time. "Yes, everything is as we believed," said George William Casey Jr, cheif of staff of the united states army, "we have the top starcraft players in america, many of whom are clan leaders boasting undefeated ladder records, informing our military on how to act and we believe the threat should be eliminated quickly." Casey cited the construction of wraiths and the subsequent upgrading of the cloaking ability from the starport add-on as the reason behind the militarys supreme confidence at this point and urged the public to remain calm and not to panic, "Those dumbasses don't even have an observer," the cheif of staff remarked.

new post speaking of things in the year 2009

it is the year 2009 and a lot of things are in the air. and by air i mean the empty space that surrounds us that scientists tell us is oxygen. but when you look into the sky at night and realize we are in an inconcievable universe with burning balls trillions of light years away its hard to take anything seriously. what does it even mean if evolution of organic life could lead to us blogging. what are we supposed to do with the fact that science suggests all life evolved...which clearly seems to make sense when you hear about virsuses and bacteria and viruses that infect bacteria, and these little tiny cells that live at the bottom of the ocean for no reason at all except evolution explains there need not be any reason life exists were it will and it will nourish the resources whereever. its only because on land within the circumstances there was enough competition that an arms race of competition took place and over billions of years here we are. but what should we do. well i guess just try to make our way in the culture we are born. are brains crave things like status when we have all of our neccesities such as food water and shelter, so to satisfy our brains and be happy we must find ways in which our status among our peers will be at least at a respectable level. one may say that they care not at all about the way others percieve them but no one is immune from such pressure. no one wants to be a failure. even if i dont care i dont want my parents to have to say there child is a homeless bum who cares for nothing. even if it doesnt mean anything id rather just accept the fact that its cool we even have a minute moment of saying holy shit there is a universe and we can just chill for a while...most organism can never enterain anything romotely close to such a thought. but i like beer becuase all of a sudden my brain is like hooray beer. why, i dont know because beer exploits the same receptors that were supposed to be used for reward in the brain. in order to direct offspring towards cirtain behaviors it was neccesary to have them experience pleasure during the performance of these behaviros. drugs exploit these pathways in the brain. hooray hooray

Ching Chong Ching's asian cuisine

breakfast:

poop and pee


lunch:

poopy pee


dinner:

egg rolls

Vodka J's

Vodka J's is a brand new restaurant and the brain child of entrapaneur and kick ass head chef connor fleming.

Breakfast Menu

Egg-O Waffles
Blue Moon

Lunch Menu

Hotpockets
Bass Ale

Dinner Menu

Hard, cheap vodka....mccormicks, skoal, brunetts
No food served at dinner cause at Vodka J's you drink on an empty stomach.


And also there's a pac-man machine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4zV4pJ8MwM&feature=related

also funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqxnm6t3QMw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1BdQcJ2ZYY&feature=related

i mean this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2t3FbYBXWDw

repeat the instructions below for these as well

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1SKf9YU4QQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FArZxLj6DLk

connor

do NOT watch this until you high, cause its the funniest thing ever if you wait
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1SKf9YU4QQ

that rap i just made cont...

here is the idea of the music video to make for it

we need to make a beat on a synthesizer or somethin
then someone will act out the scenes while the other person does that rap

here is the intro to the video:
President Obama speaking at press conference:
have you ever thought about dinosaurs
those huge fuckin animals that seem like fairy tale creatures in the museums
those things walked the earth....long pause....jesus christ.....i mean jurassic park does even capture stunned i would be at the sight of things in person....i mean what the fuck would you really be thinking if all of a sudden you woke up and the was a t-rex that escaped and was running around your neighborhood....especially if you hadn't heard about there little theme part experiment...youd say where the fuck did this creature come from

i wonder what the person who first digged them up was thinkin when he saw them

Jouralist: President Obama are you high right now?

Obama: Hell ya
......
music starts

first high post since x-mas break: rap story of people who found a dinosaur

verse 1
there once was a guy long before 1994
he had some god damn parents who kicked him out the doe (door)
he got real mad, tripped, and broke his fuckin phone
and when he looked down he saw a fuckin bone

thats when he found the dinosaur
--tha tha-- the dinosaur
i said he found dat dinosaur
that fuckin dinosaur

verse 2
here was a man that lived in the woods
he kept jackin himself off,,,he was no fuckin good
and then one day while masturbating in the trees
he saw a t-rex skeleton and the shock shook his little knees

he found a dinosaur
a fuckin dinosaur
i said he found dat dinosuar
a god damn dinosaur.

verse 3
now here is a story you probably haven't heard
unless your name is eddy then i emailed it in a document saved on word
they say a long time ago when nobody even knew
there were a dinosaurs a romen but they were up to no good
and so God sent an asteriod to ruin there fuckin day
i bet those fuckin lizards said this shit is fuckin gay
and so there bones were a burried for a couple millions years
until they were dug up for the first time by a couple of fuckin queers

them found a dinosaur
a fuckin dinosaur
i said they found that dinosaur
that god damn dinosaur

another movie idea

we were watching saw 5 today and i thought of a movie idea although i don't know how good it will sound on paper. if we made a really vicious horror movie about a serial killer but within the movie there were really long pointless scenes like the serial killer waiting 15 minutes in line at starbucks to get a coffee, 3 minutes at a traffic light, 20 minutes for his pizza to get out of the oven, but other than that really intense action scenes.

another movie we could make this summer is the sequel to honey i shrunk the kids. its called honey i changed the kids into normal people. nothing has changed about anything but everyone in the movie acts likes its crazy that they are the way they are, and they smoke a shit load of pot

i would like to make a spin off of that owen wilson movie where he crashes in enemy territory and is going one on one with that sniper guy. in this movie a guy crashed his kite into his neighbors yard and his neighbor is a ex marine who is having war flash backs.

Good T-Shirt Idea

"Orono Spartans Football Training 2009: Hard doesn't mean easy, easy means easy. We train hard."

this summer

did you figure out what your gonna be doin yet

I am Legend

I've figured it out and I am the Ichiro Suzuki of pot smoking. I can guarantee you a single but if i try to stretch it out to a double I'm out.

good idea for bonding

get you and your boys all together once a year for a weekend until youre all dead. during this weekend pick a name out at random of the national yellowbook and drive to that guys house, wherever he is, and stake him out for a week. tap his phones, put cameras in, just watch him in his house for a weekend while you're all in a van smoking hash, drinking beer, and playing cards and just learning every single thing about this guy. and if you ever get caught by the cops just say "hey officer we're just a buncha guys doin' a stake-out". he'll understand.

HISTORY CHANNEL ANNOUNCES NEW SHOW!!

The History channel has just announced a brand new show premiering on MWF's during the 7:30 pm slot with The Future show, thus creating a paradox between channel name and show name that has warped the channels filming studios and the shows cast into the abyss of a black hole that will bring them to "some other dimension i dunno" according to a statement released by top scientists in the field. In other news another dimensions TV Guide has announced the beginning of filming of a new show called The Future show according to an AP Press Release.

nobody beats a dealin doug deal nobody

I think that there are three types of people in this world: people that believe in fate, people that dont believe in fate, and vampires.

I think that the earths crust should be replaced with some kind of three pronged, electrical wire operated, circuit board that way hey, we'll never have to search for power outlets.

If I were a flower I think I'd be a slut in the sense that'd i'd photosynthesize all the time. other flowers would be like "Whore!" and i'd be like "So what I do what i want bitchezzz!" Becuase there's just something about photosynthesizing that really gets me going.

If someone ever told me to "synergize!" i think I'd push their lover against a giant pole/stick in the ground and cut thier throat triggering some kind of william wallace reaction in them so that they would kill the shit out of me and lead a revolution of scotland while going down in history as an all around kick ass person....but my god did i piss them off in the process...and teach them never to tell people to "synergize!" again

I think I would have been one of the more popular people in China because my god can I eat the shit out of sesame chicken. And I like ping pong.

If you're your mother's sister than shit you're weird in a family tree image sense. Imagine that branch! It'd go straight out for a little bit and then just plumet down to the next!

If you put the family tree sideways it looks like the family line graph charts.

I think that coolest last name ever would be Da Hut especially after Star Wars was released.

deep thoughts

i think if there was one bone that you would not want to break it would have to be the weiner bone, unless you were a giraffe then you probably wouldn't want to break your neck

they say that when an indian would kill a buffaloe they would use every part, I wonder what they did with his weiner bone

i always believed that there was such a thing as a genuie in a bottle, thats why if i rub a bottle and nothing comes out i proceed to take a crap in it. if a genuie doesn't come out when you take a crap in his home hes never going to come out

if someone ever says something you think is stupid light him on fire and turn to everyone around you and say "that will teach him to think before he speaks"

idea for our next documentary

for far to long our existance has been left up to the forces of nature. Natural disasters have killed millions--sunamis and tornadoes kill people and the things they build such as minature golf courses and lego castles. Weather thats too cold, or too hot, or too windy, or too muggy, or too sunny, or too frosty has left us (and our nipples) with no choice but to run into our little shelters only to look out our window and see a tidal wave about to come crashing our way. Now there is a group of brave citizens that hope to deal with these problems that have plagued mankind in a novel way. They will use the old art of martial arts to counterattack the forces of nature. They will track down tornadoes and run at them with karate kicks and yell things that the characters from mortal kombat and street fighter yell. They will fight the heat long into the night until it cools down and act like it was there fighting that caused the heat to go away. They will stand at beach shores dressed at nijas kicking the incoming waves for hours. and while they fight there battle they will also go door to door asking people to join there cause.

ESPN Announces new 4:30 a.m. show

ESPN has announced its brand new 4:30 am show with the launching of I Be Me Chris Bosh. A show about Chris Bosh being himself, hanging out with friends, shotting the j, and just lookin like an evil dwarf orc (CC).

Finding New Forms of Energy

What if we were to stick one of these contraptions a short distance up our butt so that when we farted it would spin the wheel thing and store the energy in the rod. At the end of each month we would pull it out and send it in to the government were they would extract the energy and power our cities and homes. that's brilliant that is

lazy sunday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi_kOsBPSVg

The 4 W's

Weed, Women, Whisky, and a Whirlpool that I own.

whats the deal with airlines these days

once upon a time in a magical jungle..........
star wars
dun dun duunnn dunnn dunnn duuuuun duuuun

bum bum bum booooom booooom bum bum bum

(stars faid out and the text runs down the screen)

Connor: Echo Three to Echo Seven. Peter Pan, old buddy, do you read me?
Peter Pan: Loud and clear, kid. What's up?
Connor: Well, I finished my circle. I don't pick up any life readings.
Peter Pan: There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. Sensors are placed. I'm going back.
Manny Ramirez (being manny): Right. I'll see you shortly. There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here. I want to check it out. It won't take long.\\\

bleep bloop bleep

chubakaa and R2D2 approach : ararararraraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...bleep bloop R 2 D 2 bleeep

c3pO: oh what have i gotten myself into?

jaba: no la wookie echu jedi no me wanga chewbacca

we live upon, upon our day

hey what the deal with fruit roll ups?
there not even made of fruit
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hey what the deal with fruit loops
there not even made out of fruit
hahahahahahahhahaahahhaahhaahah

hey whats the deal with apple jacks
they not made of apples
(boom gun shot heard in the backround) dad that said it to his kid
kid had pulled out gun, shot him in the head (temple region)
kids buy plain ticket to brazil, gets to brazil doesnt think its quite like they say it is in the movies (the movie is jumanji)

remember the earnest movies. me neither. remember in jumanji when he gets mad at the kid and the kid grows a monkey tail (me neither)

Ball in the Butt

What is with the MATT Cassell deal?!?!what the fuck is going on? something is fishy here...very fishy..

That's a ...two point basket...by....THE PILOTS!!!

If i was a basketball ref and it was a blowout game and the clock was just winding down to like two seconds left and the player with the ball, on the team winning just running out the clock, picked up his dribble and gave the ball to me, fuck that, i would call him for a travel. most refs just let it slide and the horn blows but i would blow my whistle so loud theyd hear it in bumbfuck bamboozle. and the game would drag out a little bit longer and everyone would change channels cause the games basically done. and at this moment, when all crowd the leaving and no one was watching i'd flash my secret signals for the aliens to come pick me up and id leave this planet.

Good T-shirt idea

"I text bitches all day."

Running Commentary of the Sci Fi Movie Lake Dead

Well here we go folks. Great movie so far. Lots of action. 1 girl raped then beheaded, one guy hanged and scarred, one girl drowned and roped down in a lake, and one girl hostage likely to be raped and killed. all the work of the blood thirsty psychos. the cop of the town has taken into custody the lone three survivors..two girls, hot blonde sisters, and one guy.. the two girls inherited this property that the psychos had moved into. the cop is a pervert. he likes the girls blue eyes. is interrerogating them like jim brown. the funksobrotha. this cop might be evil. he looks like a suave steve young. only 75 years old. ooooo its a grandma with coffee. dont burn your tongues now children ;) says grannie. why a grandma is in the police station?only god knows. gotta go tell ben something.ben is a different officer. or maybe anoter evil guy. gravel sprays like wild fire. the coffee was a drug!!!!!oh shit sleepy time!!!! oh my goodness its exactly like the texas chainsaw massacare. just a messed up family!!but theyre taking the blondes into theyre fucked up families! WTFFFFF

Why let heartburn stop you well you can stop heartburn????!?!!?!?WHYYYYYY?!?!?!?!

Why would you ever not stop it? Why would you need a commercial to inform you of this information if heartburn is stopping you? What, like you just let it stop you and never questioned it?!?!?!?!You dumbass. You big jerk of a dumbass. Pete, YOU FRAUD!!!! YOU ARROGANT FRAUD MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

Teaser

Kurl-ing
An Original Screen Play
By
Connor Fleming
Coming Summer 2009

what what is day

what is day alreadeeeyyy. the sun dun come up and da day has begun. sooooonnnn. well dats what its sayin but i dont think its spraying the can of the spray is already out like when in the beginning of free willy the kids tried to sprayyyy those kids was soooo gayyyyyyy. free that god damn whale. why that whale seem so gayyyyy? is it becuase i hates the sea creatures or is it becuase the whale didnt be very good at swimmin in dat big water dat be aroud da land. hell yaaa dats probably wat it wasd. or maybe the whole situation is misunderstanding and were all in the matrix. dont take the blue pill. hahhahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahhaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahha

The Meaning of Life, the universe, and Everything

What connects all of mankind? what is the answer to all the riddles? the ultimate philosophical viewpoint that all humans must hold dear to it all? while i am still not completely sure i do, however, know where the answer lyes: The Wild Wild West, a film starring Will Smith. Why? Because every human on the planet has seen it. It's a terrible movie and yet everyone has seen it or heard the Wild Wild West Will Smith song. it connects all humans on the planet. it is the fabric that holds our people quilt together. further investigation pending.

BARRRRRRAHHHHHH!

We were playing Tecmo Bowl II on the sega genesis and we stumbled upon an individual Barry Sanders. It was decided that the Barry Sanders character in the game was indeed the fastest molecular parasite/body in the entire galactical universe. We wondered if maybe aliens, hoping to invade earth and destroy all of mankind, had came to our planet, extraxcted evidence to see what kind of people they were up against, and had looked at tecmo super bowl II for the genesis and seen the barry sanders lifeform and decided to cancel their attacks due to the possibility of that organisms actual exsistence on earth. So the tecmo barry sanders had saved the earth. Possibly even more than once.

As.....

As i sip my beer all lonesome like i think two things: 1. damn im lonesome and alone and 2. the vast lonesomeness of the universe

the intergalactice leap between planets and galaxys and then i think my lienenkugel can not be that much different from life, existence, meaning and everything. I think about life and i think about all the different people and all there purposes: i think of my lionenkugel and think about how this is the beer im drinking besides all other beers. i think about existence and our relations to the gods and deities: i think about the way beer makes me feel or think and how with the more you consume the more your prone to thaaaaangs and how the more you beilieve in religion you believe in thants and i think about everything and i see my beer and i see everything, not in an alcoholics way but in the ways of the poet: i see the neck of the beer and i think about the neck and spinal cord of life: full of movement and shit and i say to my "whaaaat a wonderful world!!!!" and then i sit in bliss...oh yes.....oh yes. i don't care about what the other things say. things as in everything. im in bliss, oh yes, im in bliss and then i look up the star line and think of its force push on me and i think of the stars and i think of the suns and the planets and the blackholes and the supernovas i think hot damn i dont understand any of that. i dont understand anything. im just a little speck of dust floating in the winds of time. and i feel small, and insugnificant, and meaningless, and i learn to take everything lighter and with no cares. and it all falls into place. bloo blee blee sme sme sme what about smeeeeee? and hook gives me my hooks back

This man

this man im watching
oh from down below
can handle those chips
like a snow blower blows snow
oh the man im watching
can sort and stack
like lyndsay lohan
loves her crack
and ive never seen
chips sorted so great
as on this date

Why Gorditta?

When i tell you baja chalupa? what the fuck (wtf) is a gorditta?

I'm Out of Your backdoor into another

Roses are red the sky is blue, pats got the beer cans to my face what the fuck you gonna do?

I have a story about life: You have a friend, cheeba, he has a detachable skull that you can smoke herb out of, the herb makes you happy, but you have a moral dilemma...what to do with johns head? Is it better to smoke or to keep his skull attached? This blog is poetry in motion, ill apply coconut lotion. So back to the story. this friend of yours has a baby, unwanted. abort or not abort? pro life or choice? see this story has all the storys and problems of a great story. and then next up is this alien and its like blaaaaaaaaaaah with its spit and then theres this space marine like ka chahchahahchahchchahahcha with the machine gun and its like plehph sploosh sploosh sploosh with the acid blood. and then it goes TRUTH: my anti drug. and the fog clears and michael jackson comes out and goes THRIIIIIIIILLLEEERRRR!!!! and then cue in the proximty mines which blow up in exquisite fashion and spell out FUCK YOU and all the crowd empties out crying......now you tell me what the morale of that story is.

what the fuck is a gordita?

Gorditas; fact fiction? The gordita is actually the smallest species of sea turtle, exclusive to the cost of the West Galapagos. The trendy "Mexican" rip-off at Taco Bell is a tribute to this species' dwindling existence. Considering no one knows what the fuck either of them is, this dip makes connor happy. Fucking French Onion dip. The world's greeeatest. Grandma loves taco bell.

oh yeah 'ear me now

an excert from ernest hemingways latest novel (a collaberation with ralph waldo emerson)
"It be best, to be where we are at, in this latest time frame. if your sould can go to taco bell LET it. LET it get the baja burritos. and LET yourself rejoice in what is the BAJA burrito with NO tomatoes. for that is your soul and in all things your soul will accept what is best, it will be the best thing for you and the immortals. the sparta warriors, couldn't beat the immortals, their numbers are too many, their arrows will blot oout the sun. si si, wi wi. yes yes. so says the me, amen."

pg. 22 line 102 Abraham

rasheed wallace can you hear me?

RASHEED IF YOU CAN HEAR ME PLZZZ PLZZZ PLZZZ ORDOR ME A LARGE PEPPORONIE FROM PAPA JOHNS

dear diary

fuck you diary i will kill you in your sleep you motha fucka. your god damn pages of whiteness await my writing but i will murder your stupid binding before i lay my pen on your blank vagina

news for the baloogas

baloogas you are now an endangered species and we will hunt you until your blubbery fish bodies no longer float in the cold artic ocean. the eskamos used you for you blubber but we will use you only for your eyes which will sit upon our canes. the hunt begins now

Back Off

Of all the most frigtening stalker/creeper personas I think the least frightening is the potential killer wearing a flourescently colored scarf. Anyone in the mind set of wearing the neon colored neck garment is not as much of a threat as they initially presented. If you find yourself being hunted by such a person I recomend bringing up the subject of chai tea or whole foods and just kind of slipping off while you've got him distracted.

HEY

You don't call out a Randy Johnson fastball then throw it like a pussy. You throw it hard.

UPDATE!!!!!---red ALERT: changes on colony--

Attention vvvvvvt vvvvvvt vvvvvvvt avid readers of the gift of green update your magistrate

I am General Duke of the United Confederate Terran Forces and I am asking you, general, to lay down your forces and enter our command.

Jim Raynor: Well, partner, I just dont see that happening. All you confederants are dicks.

VVVVVVVT VVVVVVVVT: Beer and weed and video games....

Whats going on in the studio: we got nhl 09 on the way
mood: happy
status: 120/80 heartbeat normal
"MAAAAAAAAAM "says the medic "we've got a pulse!!!!come quick, hes stirring!!!"
"Welcome back chief" cortana says, "we've been missing you"
"Good to be back." says the master chief
DUN DUN DUN DA DA DA DUN DUN DUN

Incoming fax: bweeeep. online. enabled. top secret government file: The trip to the african jungle my the extremist cult, gift of green trees, was a project named big weed reconassaince 10010. The government attempted to get a spy in the Gift of Green Trees studios. It turned out the one spy was the member.........bweeeeep transmission ended. cut off. security back online


bweep


bweep


boop

all systems offline

do drugs and be self sufficient while living in the rain forest society will start

members sign up on this blog. you will be interviewed to see if you are not a serial killer or have some type of mental illness (mentally retarded people will be allowed to enter the tribe but will serve as our standing army). the tribe will basically be in the forest in indonesia somewere--we'll figure that out once we set sail for indonesia. the government of the tribe will be a two party system erbulicans and medicrats. there will be a system of checks and balances--can someone please bring some blank checks and balance scales for this we'll figure how this system is supposed to work when we get there. does anyone have any bread by the way because it would be nice to have some bread as back up food until we learn how to hunt. some bread and bolonga, yeaaaaaa that would be nice. mmmmmmmm bread, mmmmmmmmm bolonga. meet at the alantic ocean at noon tommorow.

The Green Tree Gift

Rule #1. You do not blow smoke in the room of the SMOKE CLUB.

Rule #2: You DO NOT blow smoke in the room of the SMOKE CLUB.

Rule #3: If someone says "no more weed for me", or goes frankenstein high, smokes another bowl the night has begun.

Rule #4: Only two guys to a bowl.

Rule #5: Pass the bowl on time.

Rule #6: Shirts, and whatever kind of footwear wanted.

Rule #6: Smoke sessions will go as long as are wanted.

Rule #7: If this is your first night at SMOKE CLUB, you HAVE to smoke.

rules for the blog

must keep every word to a minumum of 6 letters, any words larger than that will be too difficult for most of our users to understand. this rule will be enforced mon-thursday, while friday is seven letter TGIF, saturday is 8 letter saturday and sunday is 3 letters sunday.

i cant think of any other rules than that.

if you do not follow these rules you will be hunted down and beheaded. you have seven days