what they didn't tell you about 2012

you heard all about 2012 from such trusted and informative channels as the history channel.  the basic story line is--things get out of wack in the universe and shit gets crazy...everything that can go wrong will go wrong and it will end.  how do we know this, well the reliable source is the aztecs who were so busy predicting the end of the world that they got conquered by about 200 white dudes who showed up looking for india.  

but this is only the beginning, for the other most trusted source on the planet, dan brown, has a lot to say on the topic.  dan says "there is a symbol of a halk that when the moon shines looks almost like an eagle, and it is the secret of the illuminate that the eagle is represents the fate of mankind" this has been the secret of the ages says dan, and it was actually what jesus was trying to talk about, but it got all mixed up and shit.  so in his book dan explains that a havard professor named robert langdon ended up one day in a perkins because he read about sam perkins and sam perkins dad was found with an eagle in his house on the day of the moon.  to be continued