Getting on the Level

While utilizing the "Next Blog" tool at the top of screen to jump from random blog to random blog, I noticed an alarming trend that we ourselves had not covered. Many young families are utilizing blogs, and garnering quite a bit of success, by posting pictures of their precious and adorable kids and what shenanigans they're up to. Well, we here at the tingy wingy thought collective were not to be left behind so we've got our own little one that we'll now check in with from time to time just to give you-the reader-that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart that really only the smile and laughter of a small child can bring. So without further adu: Meet Dill Pickle! The sweet and innocent baby baby!

Man Who Spends Time Compiling Top Party School Lists Stops To Ask "Why?"

After 23 years testing various means and methods to compile verifiable facts and subsequently publish those statistics in the very systematic and structural form of a list, Toben Keets, 45 year-old Top Party School rankings creator, took the time out of a Thirsty Thursday dorm party at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York to really question his profession, his goals, and his place in life. "Who the fuck are you even?" a befuddled and foundationally rocked Keets asked 18-year-old Freshman and liberal arts major Sarah Thompson. "Jesus," he added in contempt as he threw back a shot of hard liquor, which had become his major form of solace and escape over the years, his 16th of the night. A disgusted and defeated look shown in his gaze as he struggled to accurately survey his surroundings, an alcohol induced rage slowly glazing over his eyes as he took in the same scenario he'd seen over a thousand times. "Oh! A Bob Marly poster! Real fucking original!" he cried as he stubbled to the near wall and in one motion tore the canvas off the wall, lost his footing, crashed to the floor, and displaced a myriad of dorm room objects all in a drunken tirade. "You have to get the hell out of here dude," said Mark Weston, 19 year-old freshman and poly sci major, grabbing Keets by the back of his shirt collar and dragging him out the room before dropping him in a heap in the dormitory hallway and slamming the door behind him. Toben lay on the floor, tears streaming out his eyes, he was lost, lost, lost- wasting his days in meaningless and empty chirades. "Not bad," he thought- crawling to his feet and scrawling in his Mead notebook, "somewhere between Millsaps College and Tulane University"

I thought i told you stay out of that barn

I thought I told you stay out of that barn!

(a weekly advise column by popeye jones)

I told you that barn is off limits. No body sposed to goes in there!  Its off limits

and such.  Whats in that barns Isss dont know, but is not for a lookin at!  

Now that ives got you to stay away from your local barn i would like to speak

to you on other topics in which i feel confident my advise will please your kindred spirit.  Take time to breath air.  Air is good for the kindred of spirits.  Take time to see the world, seeing will bring images to the little man in your brain who will look upon these images with great joy.  Take time out of your day and bake a cake.  Cake is what the greeks used to say was good eats.  So far I have just given you the wisdom of the elders, those elderly men who speak to me in my dreams.  This is nice for you, but for me I will have to tell the elders of this talk, and this are angry about what I did....dot dot dot. Next week i will be giving my advise on children, disease, and poetry.  Good night, and stay out of that barn!

My chef d'œuvre

Six ships were rowing into the abyss, all summoned by the great God of the waters. Six ships were rowing with purpose and with stride. One from the great imperial power of England, one from the sea fairing nation of Spain, one bearing passage from the mighty and feared nation of Russia, one from the proud country of Germany, another from the orient of China, and a final from the foolish nation of America. Along the way, so told Poseidon, great troubles and quarrels shall these countries encounter. Through the turmoil of the first great sea storm- so did Germany attempt to board the vassel of England, as their goods did they enquire. When the swells and gray had relented-so did the vission of these two great naval nations. And was left the notions of Spain, Russia, China, and America. Upon the second challenge, after the clearing of this tragedy, was the withdrawl of China, for the reward did not match the sacrifice as far as they could foretell. And thus it was: Spain, Russia, and America. Upon the third obsticale did they reach- a land of ice and entrapment and within did the sea fairing nation of Spain relent; they knew not of such traversing. But onward did Russia carry: they knew of such troubles, and onward did America carry: they cared not of such troubles. And so did these two seekers contend: equal in stern, brow, and star board as runners, both gifted with the talents of each other, and beaching upon the land they both seeked, they saw an image of which neither could speak: Upon this ground, was already a flag stricken deep. And near it was a declaration written in sand: I claim this land in the name of our Lord and God Herschel Walker.

what they didn't tell you about 2012

you heard all about 2012 from such trusted and informative channels as the history channel.  the basic story line is--things get out of wack in the universe and shit gets crazy...everything that can go wrong will go wrong and it will end.  how do we know this, well the reliable source is the aztecs who were so busy predicting the end of the world that they got conquered by about 200 white dudes who showed up looking for india.  

but this is only the beginning, for the other most trusted source on the planet, dan brown, has a lot to say on the topic.  dan says "there is a symbol of a halk that when the moon shines looks almost like an eagle, and it is the secret of the illuminate that the eagle is represents the fate of mankind" this has been the secret of the ages says dan, and it was actually what jesus was trying to talk about, but it got all mixed up and shit.  so in his book dan explains that a havard professor named robert langdon ended up one day in a perkins because he read about sam perkins and sam perkins dad was found with an eagle in his house on the day of the moon.  to be continued

tell me more about my eyes

it was a sunny day out, the sky had a sun in it and it was bright as fuck. jeremy looked up in the sky and the rays of energy from the sun hurt sooooo much. "oh my god fuckin shit with this sun and everything", said jeremy

"whats with you and the sun", said bobby bonilla of the pittsburgh pirates

"bobby what are you doing here", said jeremy

"i'm looking for big league chew" said bobby

"your what?" said jeremy

"forget it" said bobby

"forget what" said jeremy

bobby took a gun out and shot jeremy in the face. blood was everywhere, just like sand is everywhere in the desert.

bobby was like "oh no i just killed this guy and im going to be late for work". it was like a lobster who gets stuck and can't get back for the ocean life that he needs to get back for except worse.

to be continued

the idiots wont read our blog

this is to all the idiots out there who aren't reading this fuck you, you dick heads. your heads are made out of dicks and its a shame. this blog is not for you, it is for a certain sort of people

people the blog is for

Inclusion category: have >1 arm(s)

exclusion category: have <1 arm

there will be more exclusion once enough people belong to this blog that we can get picky. that is when you will have to read this blog with fear. the fear that you will one day be excluded from the blog.

Gumption

Here at the Tingy Wingy thought quarters we never lack the nerve or vindication to pose the questions that need to be asked, here we are always pushing the reader's soul to new plains of thought and recognition. Here: is a forum that exists neither here nor there. Here, are mortals spewing their souls for transient beings and for immortal feelings. And so:;,!?.

Ponder:

For Madmen Only

Hearye, Hearye. As we approach the 1 year anniversary of the newly annoited Tingy Wingy blog we approach a great period of celebration and, ye, contemplation. Where do we go from here? What have we solved? What differance have we made? And while the followers of the blog may still be numbered at the complete absence of numbering that is "0" I argue that the influence of this blog is widespread, epidemic. This blog will reside within the confines of deep cyberspace for all eternity. We can argue that though our lives may well end within this 21st Century, cyber space will live on. And who can protest that the cannon of greatness through which all artists have striven has not been attained long after their own death? This blog is not an attempt to answer lifes greatest riddles at one instance of finger to key, nah, this blog is a continous and evolving treatisie between two men and their preceptions and wealth of experience. And who can contest this? Genius-is often time the realization of public conciousness within the public sphere. And while, yes, this blog is many, many, many hits away from being concious within the public sphere....who can tell how far away it truely is??????

11:30 pm Sunday Night

Television show idea- A weekly program called 11:30 pm Sunday night.Runs from 11:30-12 every sunday night, the thirty minute block of time each week wherein you quietly ponder the perplexities of life, the absurdities of existance, and feel a general apathy over the gruelling week to come. its a depressing show but its got some heart.

Is This What Happens At Med-School?

shitting your pants

not many of us will do it past a certain age, but if you do make that mistake and others find out about it your reputation is ruined instantly.  people sometimes ask if you could have one super power what would it be? i would say the ability to make anyone i wanted shit their pants at anytime.  imagine someone else has that power and your sitting in the middle of class or in a meeting and all of a sudden you just start shitting in your pants uncontrollably.  whats your reaction, what can you possibly say?  hopefully you don't say OH NO outloud..still got a shot at an escape...but then the smell, and you know some people will enthusiastically want to be the first to proclaim "he just shit himself"  i would use the power very discretely, only getting the blowhards of the world during there most self rightous moments.  the ultimate truth of all those celebrities, admired thinkers, powerful diplomats is that at the end of the day they have to sit down and take a shit like the rest of us...presumably after jesus was done talking about the kingdom of heaven he was squat down in a bush shitting his brains out from the filthy food they used to eat in those days...whenever people get to serious about life because of the words we use with each other that fill us with grand emotions, the fact that in order to just keep talking day to day we have to shove food in our mouth and shit and piss it out reveals the reality which is that we really are just animals at the end of the day.  the fact that we treat shitting and pissing as such a private matter, that mistakes during the process create almost the greatest shame one can feel, and that much of the profanity considered so taboo publically words deal with excrement also suggests that we are doing everything in our power to keep hush our animal place in the world.  the other side of it is that there is such a thing as potty humor, so even though we build about this wall to hide our trully animal behaviors we acknowledge how rediculous the entire thing is.  we set up life as pretty straight forward and purposeful, but its like humor is really anything that goes against this by being rediculous and making little sense.  blah blah blah end of blog

A Message from Mike Tomalin: Go Fuck Yourself

Jon Gruden has been accused of 7 acts of arson, 56 accounts of third degree murder, grand heresy, treason, intent to incite, indesent exposure, and public intoxication all in accordance with what he said, "personally embodies the NFL Cares campaign".

I'm NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and I approve this message.

applebees

applebees commercials---series of commercials of people in a car driving to events they've been waiting their whole life to see- concerts, championship games. starts with them all exciting "dude i can't believe were going to this game, im living out my dream" then on their way to the game they drive by an applebees, they all start talking about meals on the menu "oh the appetizer sampler sounds so good right now" a moment of silence, then they all look at each other. someone shouts turn the car around were going to applebees. they run up to applebees and procede to act like they are having the best time of there life...then the catch phrase--applebees its just that good, or applebees with a menu like this you can't go wrong

last night we smoked and were going to go to saw VI, but saw an applebees on the way and just turned around and went there instead--we thought of these commercials