Dear Baby Jesus in Your Little Baby Manger With Your Little Baby Gifts

I am in the basement it is quite creepy. This is a written documentation of ghost hunters. Now I'm creeping myself out.

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Chapter One of TBA Book

It's raining outside -said Kathie as she wetted her pussy. Buster, was the pussies name and it was a tabby cat but that's neither here nor there. Over there was Mike, Kathie's husband. "Shut up woman," said Mike. Mike was a wife beater and lousy father but that's neither here nor there. What's there is the main subject of our story: A house, a house across the street from the Holmgren's, the family described previously but that's neither now nor later. What's later is the significance of this house. What's now is that across the street the street from the Holmgren's, in that house, a lone figures silhouette could be seen drifting behind the curtains. However, there was no one there to witness it stalk through the first floor and appear on the second. No one saw the indiscernible shadow come to an abrupt stop behind the balcony curtains on the second floor. It would have been of such importance, such significance if someone had seen that airy form take what it did from that great house. Then maybe, somehow, things would be different right. Maybe things could've changed and it wouldn't have to look like this. But the Holmgren's weren't watching and neither was anyone passing by. The changing of the tides happened right before everyone's eyes but, still, everyone was swept into the sea.

The Lag In New Websites

When are we gonna get some new websites? I want to learn different things, fun things, new things. I'm sick of my favorite sites. I want an ESPN.com but that has highlights of chariot races and ball games in space. I want a CNN that reports on movements of the dark lord, dragon discoveries, and reports from other dimensions. I want an addictinggames.com that lets me play any game ever on any system and create my own games in minutes just by plugging in my thoughts and ideas. Give me some new websites internet..I'm bored as shit of the ones you got

Interesting Usages of Wikipedia Example: One

While watching lord of the rings the return of the king and thinking a little bit about harry potter I began to wonder why there are only two wizards in the lord of the rings. Are they the only two wizards in the history of middle earth? where the fuck do they come from? are they gods? so i googled something like "how many wizards are there in middle earth" and I went to the wikipedia page concerning wizards. That led me to the wikipedia page about Radagast who supposedly played a part in the books but who I dont remember at all. Radagast The Brown:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radagast_(Middle-earth)

Turns out his wizarding powers allowed him to communicate with animals and so he had an affinity with wild beasts and various fauna. He fucking loved chilling with animals so he lived near the mirkwood forest and experimented with herbs. He was also used by saruman to get the birds to be spies for him when he didnt know what was going on, and he was also responsible for saving gandalf from that tower with the eagle. But when it came time for everyone to man up and battle for it all he couldn't be found. his love of the wild had driven him out of contact and he took up the life of some kind of dark arts shaman committed to being one with his inner creature. Everyone was dyeing in front of the black gates fighting for everything and he was out bounding around like a goddamn deer. and he had crazy magic powers, the kind of powers that take at least 10,000 guys to the grave with you, seeing as how your an immortal demigod. He basically went on a shroom trip the weekend the fate of the world was decided even though he was a fucking sorcerer. Wikipedia goes on to say, however, that this "failure" would not bar him from returning to the Undying Lands.

You didn't know but thanks to wikipedia you now do.

New Hollywood Movie Plot

Picture this: A man in a house. The house contains two stories with a microwave in the eastern first floor side. This is a nice microwave. It is very efficient and works nicely. But picture this this man has a disease. He is obsessed with slaying zombies. Killing them in an apocalyptic world. The problem though it is actually the year 2010 so there are no actual zombies. Yet he thinks everyone is a zombie and proceeds to act like it. Stealing and killing everything. That is pretty much the movie.

In the year 2020

sports illustrated has a yearly future in which they ask "where are they now" and give updates as to what happened to sports names of the past. This current years issue takes a new slant on the theme and attempts to predict "where will they be"

Here is what we came up with:

Brad Childress: Brad Childress spent time in the NFL in various coaching positions. He spent years under Eagle's coach Andy Reid, serving as the teams offensive coordinator. The Minnesota Vikings took note when Reid removed Childress' play calling authority in response to a stifled and underperforming eagle's offense struggling in the playoffs. The Vikings offered childress the head coaching position the following year. The Vikings team had been improving and deepening an already talented roster and with Childress at the helm they won more than they lost. Without a marque QB to get the Vikings over the hump Childress devoted his energies to coaxing hall of famer Brett Farve out of retirement. Farve's first season with the queens was nothing short of spectacular, but ended in a crushing nfc championship defeat that to vikings fans is as sure as the daily rise of the sun. The following season was full of hope, but team underperformed and what followed was an outcry of hate from players and fans alike directed at the coach. He was fired following the season, and went to be fired from various other lower level coaching positions around the league. Childress is now focusing on the coaching his own children. Head of both his 8th grade and 6th grade son's teams this past year they had a combined record of 0-16. Many parents claim that Childress is out of touch and many expressed fear about his mental stability after enduring such constant hate and disapproval from almost everyone. Facing heat from other parents players he flew down and asked Brett Farve if his son Brett Jr. would play for his squad. Farve had security escort Childress from his ranch. Parents in the community viewed this behavior as worrisome and have since voted to ban him from further participation in any youth sports. Childress is currently unemployed and living at home. He spends much of his time playing Madden seasons on manager mode.

Jake Plummer: Jake "the snake" Plummer spend years dazzling Cardinal's fans with his quick feet and accurate passing. After going missing from the NFL scene for some years we tracked Plummer down in his Phoenix home. Before we could catch up with the quarterback, Plummer was killed during our photo shoot for this current issue by the boa constrictor he was posing with draped around his neck. Some expect Plummer to be reincarnated as a snake, but it is unclear if we will ever know for sure.

Ryan Leaf: As a highly touted college quarterback the sky seemed to be the limit for the young man as he was drafted second overall by the San Diego Chargers. His career plummeted immediately and somehow he proved to be so bad that he was out of the league for good by the end of the year. How could he have not been good enough to play as a back up or try to make a comeback in a league short on good quarterbacks only shows how wrong the scouts must have been--at least that is what everyone was saying. Then in 2013 Leaf appeared at Chargers training camp and to the surprise of everyone took Philip River's starting spot after a jaw dropping preseason. After throwing for four touchdowns and 400 yards in the season opener Leaf tested positive for steriods and HGH. Suspended from the league Leaf developed what some call rode roid rage and terrorized the california country side in a shooting spree in which his touted accuracy was realized in bullet form. Leaf was shot by police ending the spree. We speculate that he is now in the eternal fires of hell where the core of his being will be trapped in a state of endless suffering.

we can take off now...Ooo do you wanna...smooooke?

The blog is going to recommence it's regularly slated activity for a period because I can tell that the world has taken a few steps back in the last couple months since our last foray into solving all of the issues plaguing the globe. Today we have a very special report from a very special reporter of ours whose been compiling a piece that is on the pulitzer prize watch list. We'll also have a preview of a very important flip cup match coming up sometime next weekend somewhere in the country between some college students before some event at their university.

College.

Andrew has had many busy days so far in madison. So he was unable to call everyone that much so I decided I would post a blog today on how madison is going. I will not say anything really about my total experience idk all the stories its hard to remember but i will tell of today.

12:01 am today I am out partying drinking an insane amount of alcohol pregaming not knowing of any parties.

1:00 am we walk out and find a place to go to. It goes dry so we kept walking around

2:00 am We go to taco bell. I dont know I arrived but i did.

2:30 am We get tired. Yeah gay guys going to bed early so we had back to our dorms eat the taco bell and i go to bed

3:00 This is the time i go to bed. Sorry fail u guys tonight

7:30 am Wake UP ITS GAME DAY. So go straight to a frat house arrive there at 8 am sharp

8:00 am we are drinking right when he arrive we get a beer.

8:30 am I see a girl i hooked up with already there who i havent responded to any of her calls messages or facebook friend requests.

9:00 I did a beer bong

10:00 am I just finished my 3 game of beer pong using 15 cups and 10 beers each game. So thats 30 beers for 6 people in thirty minutes.

10:30 am one of the members invites me to smoke with him we talk about xbox and video games while proceeding to take 7 hits of piece.

11:00 am go down stairs chug one beer quickly and we are off

11:30 am arrive at the game. Of course thirty minutes late. We are just going crazy at this game just waves. Eat shit and fuck you chants. Songs and dances. Jump around at 3 quarter was the biggest drunkest mess ever. We also had one huge ugly slut trying to go after me until i had to run away on the stairs.

4:00 games done nap time

6:00 pm wake up from nap go to my friends house watch some of watchmen.

7:00 pm eat dinner in the commons amazing sandwhich

8:00 pm start drinking taking shots of captain and fleish

10:00 pm we are done pregaming and we are going out.

11:00 pm get slightly lost but find a party

12:00 get some free beer there super hot and crowded so we wanted to leave.

12:30 we go to our frat insane amount of hot girls and all the brothers hanging out upstairs.

1:00 drank a couple beers but ended up being led downstairs to someones room

1:10 do 45 mins straight of bong bowls while watching discovery channels episode on tribes with the small heads and also some girl smoked with us and took 3 hits and forgot how to speak. For 15 mins we tried to get her to say one word but she literally became mute and it was the craziest thing ever.

2:05 am stay there talk drink another beer

2:35 left get back

2:40 started writing this letter

2:57 posting the letter

Conspiracy Theories

Welcome to the Tingy Wingys Blog now on CONSPIRACY THEORIES. Due to the insane amount of non-followers, we decided to spice this blog up a little bit. Now we can get some crazy people who actually believe in this to join and "follow" our blog. The following are "Americas biggest conspiracy theories" according to the Tingy Wingys.

1. Abraham Lincoln--- some say he John Wilkes Booth killed him in Ford Theatre, but what if Abraham Lincoln actually killed himself in a Booth? Some people say John Wilkes was his presedential code name. So when people say John Wilkes booth they meant Abraham Booth meaning Abraham Killed himself in a booth. This was covered up because how would you feel if your president killed himself the people in the north might have though he killed himself because the civil war was a mistake or the norths views were wrong and the souths were right.

2. Area 51 --- What is area 51 hiding? this is one the biggest things the government is hiding from us! Is it aliens, is it some secret books, and now I will bring you the truth. WHO DO YOU THINK MADE THE SMURFS TV SHOW? It was not the people it was the government. That was a live broadcast. Area 51 is where the smurfs live.

3. The Tingy Wingys --- There has been alot of talk by fans that the government has been compressing the tingy wingys because the gov. things we will be so famous that we will control the people not them. So in order to do this they take theirs songs from the radio stations, the tv, and wont let them publish their music or post it anywhere.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES-----Tingy Wingys

what really happened to brownie?

the mystery still surrounds that day in which brownie disappeared and no full investigation about the events before and after the cat's vanishing has been conducted. What is sure as that there is still a lot of unanswered questions and the most common explanation of the cats disappearance has been up until now uncritically accepted. That the cat was killed and eaten by raccoons or coyotes was the most plausible explanation, but that was before I started to look at all the facts for what they were.

Fact 1:

1. Brownie had been left outside overnight many times, and raccoons and coyotes are common in the area--why was Brownie able to avoid such a death for so long? Brownie did not have claws, as we all know, but she was swift and has instincts superior to most cats (unsupported claim, but from an expert opinion). So what if the truth is that she did not get killed in this way? What might have really happened to brownie?

Sorted in order of plausibility

1. Neighbor's took brownie in and made in their own. They were very fond of brownie and had put out cat food for him before. Maybe one of their young daughter's grew attached to brownie, threw a tantrum, and the parents caved in to make it her own.

2. Brownie wondered off and became a stray cat. You see others stray cats walking around yards in neighborhoods, country homes, and farms. Its possible brownie just followed another cat, or wondered off and became lost, or just came to a point where it for some reason switched territories. Its more likely that this happened since in the summer brownie didn't have the cold to cause him to want to be indoors.

3. Brownie was hit by a neighbor's car. They disposed of the cat and decided not to tell us about the incident.

4. Conner kicked a soccer ball at the net when brownie was in the area. The ball hit brownie and crushed its head against the poll with enough force that brownie died. Conner buried brownie like bugs bunny in the woods.

5. Brownie is in the chimney

6. Eric gave brownie to jess for a birthday present so she had a cat in duluth, the cat may have been given away or could be in pennsylvania.

7. Someone sat on brownie's head on accident and crushed it.

8. Brownie got sucked into the vacuum.

9. The predator came and killed it

10. The cat got tangled graduation balloons bit through the the connection to the chair trying to get free and floated away, freezing to death as they approached the upper atmosphere.

11. Got run over by the lawnmower.

12. Brownie was a transformer, and turned into its flying version and returned to its home planet.

Ping Pong

Strategy to Ultimate Ping Pong Game.

Step 1. Always hang with Mary Jane before the game. It makes you ten times better.

Step 2. Play some music preferably your favorite song

Step 3. Stare at other opponent and intimidate them

Step 4. Rub the ball back and forth on the table before your serve

Step 5. Serve the ball

Step 6. Pretend to be a robot well hitting it back and forth

Step 7. Every once in a while pretend to be a puppet also that is controlled by someone else

Step 8. Win

A short story

"Looks like its gonna storm," yelled Stacie, a 65 year old with a face like an armadillo's asshole. It was fucking dark as shit outside, and in the of nebraska when it rain it pours. "Here in nebraska when it rains it pours," replied Doug, who being Stacie's neighbor was outside building a bird house. After a bit of silence Doug glanced at Stacie and screamed, "its for the birds." Stacie was all about the birds, she loved the shit out of birds--its a flying animal for christ sake. Humans locomotion is not as fun as a lot of other animals, but that goes without saying. Where are we? Oh ya in the middle of a story. If my writing so far has conveyed the almost undetectable subtle subtext to the plot thus far you already know that Stacie and Doug are neighbors and they get along pretty good over all. What Stacie didn't know about Doug would later come to shock her, but not quite in the way she was suddenly shocked by a 11,000 volt blast of lightening. "Fuckin crazy.... bitch ass lightening, what the fuck, aaahh for christ's sake you alright Stacie" shouted a panicked Doug.

Stacie, shook her head, winced in pain, grimaced - a little bitch grimace, and was for a second transported back into her mind... deep into the recessions of her past... she recalled an event, a traumatic event, one that had shaken her, and rattled her, like the rattle of a rattle snake except this event had no serpent, no it was nothing like a rattle snake. Although she did have a fear of snakes. That could be foreshadow or irrelevant. But our story is so far: A woman, Stacy, recently struck by lightening, thrown back into a menacing memoir or her morbid memory, menacing in pain in front of Doug, her neighbor, who may be the first to realize the true power and fright of Stacie's non snake induced scare that caused a split: A split in her that could never be repaired. "What are you fucking deaf Stacie?" cried Doug. Waiting for a response he squinted his eyes into the darkness trying to make out the steaming silhouette of Stacie. "Jesus, smells like someone burnt a beaver out here," mumbled Doug as he waded through the darkness in the general direction of where he could last make out Stacie. Meanwhile Stacy was being confronted by the demons of her dark past: an R-rated horror movie she saw when she was only 13-years-old, that time she almost went into the mens bathroom, the one time she'd accidentally used a racial slur, and something involving demonic possession. Doug was holding his 12-gauge shotgun that he liked to keep at hand during the fierce lightning storms of the Nebraska summer. You see, at that moment Doug too was struggling with the emotions that his memory evokes during weather like this. Doug was subject to something as well in his younger years: something involving his son, his farm animals, and bestiality. Let's just say he never wanted to use that shotgun again but let's also just say he never wanted to be caught again without it, and have to go and get it, and use it... on his own loved ones. Not that he loved them all that much....he killed them all with a gunshot in the head after all.

These neighbor's knew not of each others problems. They had problems enough of their own, and they lived in a world of separation. Their ancestor's lived differently--for most of human history had lived in tight nit tribes and would vary rarely encounter any other person who they did not know like family. Yet here these two people just feet from each other and knew hardly anything of one another. Did this disconnect in the world they were living in lead to the mistrust and tension that brought two minds to possession and murder. How much of modern psychiatrically defined mental illness was present in our predecessors and how much of it only results for the strange world that the forces of human culture have brought about.

Doug went back into his house. He opened a bag of oreos and turned on the game. The next time he looked at the back he had eatin 18 oreos. "Holy balls that is 22,000 calories and 65% fat," said Doug in a soft lisp. And he was right it was 22,00 calories and 65% fat. He suddenly had a vision of his wife giving him a pedantic glance as she put the bag back in the cabinets. It was times like this that he thought most about the murder he had committed. It was a hot summer day, the air was moist and somehow heavy. The family was cooling down inside when little Jimmy had the fucking dank idea of playing monopoly. "You son of a bitch Jimmy," yelled Doug happily "you read my mind, set that shit up." The family was stoked as fuck. They were about to enter a world of dice rolling, purchase, transaction, and chance. In other words they were entering a world of intense pleasure, where emotions are formless, timeless, and transcendental. This was not Doug's day with the dice. He had only the light blue property and electric company. It was a fucked up situation. Doug did not like to lose and could feel the anger rising inside them. That is when he snapped. "Dieeeeee!!!!!," he screamed. He shoved the fake money down his wife's throat as his son looked on in horror. "How would you like to be next Mr. Boardwalk you capatalist fuck," yelled Doug to his son. "You think you can monopolize the real estate system, I got make a living you prick." He beat his head into the ground with a nine iron. He cried for 3 minutes afterward, and turned on espn to see what was happening in the world of sports.

Doug had watched 4 episodes of the same ESPNNEWS now. You know it's a god awful day when you've heard John Clayton weasel about groin strains for 2 hours. Doug stirred, he had feint recollections of some noise, some bullshit, and an unhappy ending in his head. "God damn ESPN shows," he mumbled, stepping over some bloodied masses on the living room floor. But there were more pressing issues at hand. He'd been thinking about Stacy a lot lately and that maybe it was time for a new family. This is what humans did, they constantly created new relationships and broke off their old ones because their old ones sucked worse than the ones that had come before that. They also killed a lot of people they didn't like. So it's easy to understand Doug and his fragile being given that it had been warped and contorted from years occupying this planet like silly putty under the weight of a giant ass. Doug had been crushed by it all but he still pushed on admirably. And so Doug picked up his phone but then put it down and went and looked at porn. Doug picked up his phone later but he realized he didn't have Stacey's number. "Ah cunt.." he thought "what am I going to do now?" But then Doug thought of a most wonderful idea. Stacy had recently been hit by lightening, and was completely without memory, immobile, and in a serious condition at the local emergency room. "I'll have her eating out of the palm of my hand," thought Doug, with some degree of literalness given her current state.

Rapin'

Today something serious happened. An attempted rape in Huntsville. According to this man, who is the brother of the attempted rape victim, they are "They rapin everybody out here" His advice hide your kids and hide yourself cuz they be and I repeat "They rapin everybody out here" so I should now talk about the actual advice to protect yourself from a rape. I repeat I should but since it is Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. I will now talk about advice to protect yourself from sharks.

1. Move around constantly kick and scream and wale. This will tell them that you really scared. They dont like weak pussies for their meals.

2. Do not swim in local lakes only oceans with sharks in them. Because how can you protect yourself from sharks if there is not any sharks at all.

3. Also if the shark looks like Jaws do not try to go hunt it. Instead find your local town pirate who has went on these shark hunts before. This man must have one piece of the body removed and now a replacement thing on it. For example

no hand- use a hook

no leg - use a wood leg

no eye -use a patch

4. Do not use any of this advice

5. And lastly never pay attention to rule number 4

What's In The Pipeline Here At The Tingy Wingys Blog space

Some monumental, life-altering, perspective changing news from The Tingy Wingys today:

The Tingy Wingys band member Connor The Guitar is about to release his new EP "All Is Well" under pseudonym artist name William Price. The 3 song EP (with one bonus song for the deluxe EP) is 2 days in the making and is bound to completely shake up if not destroy the music scene as we know it. Whats more, the notoriously reclusive artist has agreed to an exclusive interview with The Tingy Wingys Blog site where he talks about it all: his upcoming EP, his infamously rocky relationship with bandmate The Insane Rapper, and getting six pack abs in 4 minutes.

We here at The Tingy Wingys weren't dead, we were just weeping. But the pain, and the wait, is over.

Music History Is Made: Wednesday the 27th of July
The Return of The Guitar aka William Price via Internet Music Release

All Is Well EP

NFL Pre Training Camp Notes

Some notes from around the league as compiled by TTW:

-Demetrius Underwoods agent claims that his client says the voices in his head have declared him physically fit to play in the upcoming season.

-Meanwhile, the voices in Vince Young's head tell him to hold out.

-Brett Favre was reportedly seen at the Hattiesburg High School last chance senior dance, both testing out his ankle and looking for freshmen ass.

-Brad Childress watched over 1,000 hours of film this offseason, most of it from the movie Maid in Manhatten and old recordings of Boy Meets World

Tingy Wingys Reporter Live Pitch Side In South Africa

And Now Updates from our pitchside blogger in South Africa live in South Africa. He is.

7': The nickname of Spain's goalie Iker Casillas is Saint Iker. They call him this because he drove all the snakes out of Spain. However, unlike Saint Patrick's Day in modern times when the occasion is celebrated through drunkeness, in today's age Saint Iker's Day is marked by self mutilation.

10': Update on Capdevilla's injury that resulted in him rolling on the ground, crying out in agony, clutching both his ACLs like they were trying to bust out of his knees....he's back up and on.

16': Player most likely to Zidane someone in the 2010 final: English referee Howard Webb and his shiney dome.

18': David Villa looks European

20': The biggest winner from the BP Oil Disaster...Castrol. That shit must have been public relations gold for them.

24': Mark Van Bommell plays like it's a game of FIFA and he's losing by 4 goals and just mashing the 'X' button except he does it the entire game. And he exsists in reality.

28': Well folks one of the large subplots developing here is that Spanish fans would like to win so they can party tonight while the corrolary to that is that Dutch fans want to win so that they can party as well.

29': Nigel De Jong Lu Kang's into Xabi Alonso's chest. De Jong makes a strong case to be put beside Webb in the Zidane contest.

31': Nelson Mandela! But no Matt Damon.

32': Yet.

34': I wonder if at all Holland games they have trouble distinguishing whose part of the crowd versus whose part of security. I bet a lot of normal average holland fans end up ground level by the end of games because there in all orange.

42': And if you increase security to deal with this problem you're actually only making it worse.

45': Half time 0-0. Spain have looked the better side but Holland has grown into the game. I think they'll have more confidence going into the second half like a guy who hasn't gotten laid in a while but is having a good conversation with this girl at a party and he's like "Hey, what do we have here? Maybe, just maybe..." to himself

Halftime Break

possible movie scene

i made the purposefully gay/kidding comment last night out with some friends while crossing the rode that i wanted us to all be hit by a car and die together on the rode as friends. i was just thinking in movies whenever people are facing almost certain death they are supposed to cut through all the bullshit and say really meaningful and important things, but wouldn't it be funnier if you were lying there on the ground bleeding to death and everyone is still just making inane small talk about how the weather/if they saw the game last night/what there plans are for the holidays

apocalypse

times have never been better to start a cult claiming that jesus is returning and the end of world is near, and to possibly make millions of dollars from the frightened credulous masses

observations
1. massive economic crises
2. 2012 mayan calendar
3. cnn.com reports a earthquake every other day and everyone who posts below seems to be convinced that the christ is returning
4. massive volcanoe eruption
5. atheism is on the rise
6. some guy high up in the vatican claims that satan is currently in the vatican--again cnn.com
7. pope is under attack for his covering up child rape (satan is playing his tricks)
8. there was a massive fireball seen in the sky flying over wisconsin and could be seen in many midwest states (video of it on cnn.com is actually pretty cool)
9. who is this articulate black president trying to change everything anyway?
10. dominoes and applebees have completely revamped there menues
11. fransico lariano pitched 7 shutout innings
12. global warming
13. swine flu
14. technology is moving people farther from ever from there natural state
15. hallidron collider- particle accelerator or black hole destroyer?
16. people who post on cnn.com are really convinced that the end of the world is near. They also seem to be a bit racist and uneducated

Joke I Thought of a second ago watching the Masters

What if professional golfers weren't actually the best golfers in the world, they were actually just the best at getting away from their wifes and kids which lead to them being better at golf. like the things phil mickleson does to get away from his family before the masters is actually a lot more skillful than what he does at the masters.

'I'm not a manatee' blubbers local fat man

Morbidly obese local man Gustoff Bigalow protested today over his increasingly referenced likliness to a manatee. "I am NOT a manatee," Gustoff cried, "I am a MAN. A fat man with dreams like any of you. Unfortunately my fatness prohibits me from accomplishing any of them." Gustoff in fact does possess many of the same hopes and dreams that you or me might have such as scoring with a hot chick, performing admirably in athletics, going on vacations, doing active things, and having a fulfilling life. Tragically, Gustoff is a fat ass and can achieve none of those things in his current state of gluttony. "Gustoff is fat as shit," said neighbor Rick Stevens before adding, "I could never see myself becoming that fat. I'd never let myself." Which raises the question, at what stage did Gustoff see himself as getting dangerously close to being way too fucking fat? Clearly, it was too late.

Tom Brockhoff, NBC

and now my secular poem

the written word powerful it is
transcending time and shaping kids
the thoughts they have. their formed worldview
putting words to paper those authors never knew
that ideas had and so expressed
sealed fates of souls to beliefs cursed and blessed
so no individual lives untouched
words of the past they weigh too much
they build and build and over time
we touched the moon and swelled with pride
I stand in awe of this force unleashed
that planet earth brewed up this beast
here and now of a peculiar kind
a species of matter with a state of mind
a curious ability to understand
with cosmic absurdity it hopes and plans
yet how beautiful it is and so i can't help but find
that this momentary miracle is not wasted time

easter poem

find the right ideas before your dead
believe them fully to save your head
a slight misstep torment awaits
for the right path the pearly gaits
the designer sit up on high
keeping tabs on beliefs, who is this guy?
all this fuss and to what end
don't dare remark its all pretend
its not supposed to make any sense
so quick believe and for your sins repent

at a stand still

rumors have been heard that the blog is dead, no activity has gone into the blog in months. one rumor is that the writers of the blog are dead killed by koala bears escaped from the zoo though that claim has yet to be substantiated. until then here is a little bit for the readers to chew on while we figure out whats going on--we have intercepted a christmas card from the parents of a child convicted for kidnapping young girls into a dungeon, true tv called this guy the dungeon master.

Season's Greetings from the Williams family

Hope the holiday's are meeting you with a bright spirit, and that Santa treats you well. Christmas is a time for giving thanks, or is that thanksgiving? Well anyway our family is quite thankful for all of our blessings this holiday season. Suzy and I have been spending time in decorating the house and enjoying our retirement. Our oldest son Billy is now happily married to his wife Laura with their first child on the way. Billy has been running a quite succesful law firm. Our second, Cindy, is excepting her third child and recently visited us. Her kids have such energy we could hardly keep up. Our youngest Charles is currently serving time in a high security federal prison for crimes that have lead the media to dub him the "dungeon master". He will most likely be behind bars for life. We never condoned the kidnapping and rape of the innocent, but Charles was always rebellious. We used to tell Charles we would be proud of him no matter what he chose to to in life, but good lord.

Happy Holidays,

The Williams!

ESPN Announces 4-D Viewing.

ESPN has announced that the release of their 3D viewing technology will be quickly followed up with 4D viewing capabilities, allowing the viewer the see the players, fans, and commentators on screen in all durations of their exsistence in a line of the fourth dimension resembling a long wave-like snake with their embryonic self at one end and their deceased self at the other. "We think this is a great step forward in immersing the fan with the game" stuart scott said. "It adds a whole lot of drama to say, the Super Bowl, when we can view it as a timeless continuum. Brett Favre is no longer just the football legend but also a small developing cell, a lifeless heap of carbon, and all the parts mixed between all at once."

blows my mind

http://www.amnh.org/news/2009/12/the-known-universe/

it should keep zooming in until it gets to some guy getting his ass kicked out side of a club

Blog One Year Annivesary

Paranormal Activity: Demon Diary

Here is the diary of the demon from Paranormal Activity, found in the atic of the couples home.

20 years of entries: Oh god, I really REALLY like this girl. Oh geez oh geez. I just can't stop following her but when I get really close to her and she notices me all I can do is just breathe on her! BREATHE! God damn smooth demon, real fucking smooth. I'll just never figure this love emotion out. Maybe....maybe if I just possessed her I could figure out if she feels the same way hmmmmm.....Maybe in a decade or so but for now I think I'll breath on her and jack off looking at this burnt photo of her when she was 5, god DAMN look at that oshgoshbigosh dress! SHIIII-ITE.
September 15, 2006- Stood at the foot of her bed all night tonight. Trying to start small talk. I'm just so nervous it comes out as inaudible whispers. God I'm a pussy. Spent the day time in demonic rituals. Ho-hum really.
September 17, 2006- Swinging from the chandillier all night again, I can't wait till these bums get a goddamn Wii or something. Moved the doors around, seeing if any of the hinges needed oiling. Roomates freaked though, I think they just oiled them or some shit.
September 20, 2006- Someone fucking put flower all over the damn floor. Got it all over my new nike dunks. Do you know how hard it is to find dunks that fit to my chicken talon feet? God damn, and someone looted my spank bank and stole my photo! Horrible day.
September 24, 2006- Figured out who got flower all over my kicks, smashed his photo that little prick. Stubbed my toe wandering around the house at night again, made a kind of loud screaming noise, think i might've woken the roomies up.
September 30, 2006- Didn't know what to do with myself today, went to the brugers, got a cinnamon bagel. Watched the girl for a while, I don't even know if she knows I even exsist. Walked around the house which inevitably means I have to open/shut some doors and turn on/off some lights but the roomies were just freaking out and going ape shit about this! There some fucking enviro nuts or something.
October 2, 2006- Life is too damn hard as a demon spawn, Oh so like YOOOOU can go bumping around the house and scratching walls but when IIII do it its "a negative energy" or or "demonic rage". Christ almighty. When YOOOU bite her it's "kinky" but when I bite her its what like assault or something?? I mean take a walk in my shoes, I've been living in this house just as long as you guys! And I live in the goddamn attic! You've got these two great guest rooms yet you make me sleep up here with all this insolation and shit! And yet you guys get to be the ones who break down and cry and let it all out and play the "woah is me" card. I deserve a little sympathy too her guys, don't you think? I mean my burning the fucking dumb game board, what was that shit anyway shoots n ladders, you guys turned that all about you you you. What about me dammit? When am i gonna score? When am i gonna get to come outta the attic? When are you going to get a wii for chrissakes? I JUST WANNA FUCKING SCORE!!! arrggghghghgh *demonic rage*