Today something serious happened. An attempted rape in Huntsville. According to this man, who is the brother of the attempted rape victim, they are "They rapin everybody out here" His advice hide your kids and hide yourself cuz they be and I repeat "They rapin everybody out here" so I should now talk about the actual advice to protect yourself from a rape. I repeat I should but since it is Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. I will now talk about advice to protect yourself from sharks.
1. Move around constantly kick and scream and wale. This will tell them that you really scared. They dont like weak pussies for their meals.
2. Do not swim in local lakes only oceans with sharks in them. Because how can you protect yourself from sharks if there is not any sharks at all.
3. Also if the shark looks like Jaws do not try to go hunt it. Instead find your local town pirate who has went on these shark hunts before. This man must have one piece of the body removed and now a replacement thing on it. For example
no hand- use a hook
no leg - use a wood leg
no eye -use a patch
4. Do not use any of this advice
5. And lastly never pay attention to rule number 4
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