Conspiracy Theories

Welcome to the Tingy Wingys Blog now on CONSPIRACY THEORIES. Due to the insane amount of non-followers, we decided to spice this blog up a little bit. Now we can get some crazy people who actually believe in this to join and "follow" our blog. The following are "Americas biggest conspiracy theories" according to the Tingy Wingys.

1. Abraham Lincoln--- some say he John Wilkes Booth killed him in Ford Theatre, but what if Abraham Lincoln actually killed himself in a Booth? Some people say John Wilkes was his presedential code name. So when people say John Wilkes booth they meant Abraham Booth meaning Abraham Killed himself in a booth. This was covered up because how would you feel if your president killed himself the people in the north might have though he killed himself because the civil war was a mistake or the norths views were wrong and the souths were right.

2. Area 51 --- What is area 51 hiding? this is one the biggest things the government is hiding from us! Is it aliens, is it some secret books, and now I will bring you the truth. WHO DO YOU THINK MADE THE SMURFS TV SHOW? It was not the people it was the government. That was a live broadcast. Area 51 is where the smurfs live.

3. The Tingy Wingys --- There has been alot of talk by fans that the government has been compressing the tingy wingys because the gov. things we will be so famous that we will control the people not them. So in order to do this they take theirs songs from the radio stations, the tv, and wont let them publish their music or post it anywhere.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES-----Tingy Wingys

what really happened to brownie?

the mystery still surrounds that day in which brownie disappeared and no full investigation about the events before and after the cat's vanishing has been conducted. What is sure as that there is still a lot of unanswered questions and the most common explanation of the cats disappearance has been up until now uncritically accepted. That the cat was killed and eaten by raccoons or coyotes was the most plausible explanation, but that was before I started to look at all the facts for what they were.

Fact 1:

1. Brownie had been left outside overnight many times, and raccoons and coyotes are common in the area--why was Brownie able to avoid such a death for so long? Brownie did not have claws, as we all know, but she was swift and has instincts superior to most cats (unsupported claim, but from an expert opinion). So what if the truth is that she did not get killed in this way? What might have really happened to brownie?

Sorted in order of plausibility

1. Neighbor's took brownie in and made in their own. They were very fond of brownie and had put out cat food for him before. Maybe one of their young daughter's grew attached to brownie, threw a tantrum, and the parents caved in to make it her own.

2. Brownie wondered off and became a stray cat. You see others stray cats walking around yards in neighborhoods, country homes, and farms. Its possible brownie just followed another cat, or wondered off and became lost, or just came to a point where it for some reason switched territories. Its more likely that this happened since in the summer brownie didn't have the cold to cause him to want to be indoors.

3. Brownie was hit by a neighbor's car. They disposed of the cat and decided not to tell us about the incident.

4. Conner kicked a soccer ball at the net when brownie was in the area. The ball hit brownie and crushed its head against the poll with enough force that brownie died. Conner buried brownie like bugs bunny in the woods.

5. Brownie is in the chimney

6. Eric gave brownie to jess for a birthday present so she had a cat in duluth, the cat may have been given away or could be in pennsylvania.

7. Someone sat on brownie's head on accident and crushed it.

8. Brownie got sucked into the vacuum.

9. The predator came and killed it

10. The cat got tangled graduation balloons bit through the the connection to the chair trying to get free and floated away, freezing to death as they approached the upper atmosphere.

11. Got run over by the lawnmower.

12. Brownie was a transformer, and turned into its flying version and returned to its home planet.

Ping Pong

Strategy to Ultimate Ping Pong Game.

Step 1. Always hang with Mary Jane before the game. It makes you ten times better.

Step 2. Play some music preferably your favorite song

Step 3. Stare at other opponent and intimidate them

Step 4. Rub the ball back and forth on the table before your serve

Step 5. Serve the ball

Step 6. Pretend to be a robot well hitting it back and forth

Step 7. Every once in a while pretend to be a puppet also that is controlled by someone else

Step 8. Win

A short story

"Looks like its gonna storm," yelled Stacie, a 65 year old with a face like an armadillo's asshole. It was fucking dark as shit outside, and in the of nebraska when it rain it pours. "Here in nebraska when it rains it pours," replied Doug, who being Stacie's neighbor was outside building a bird house. After a bit of silence Doug glanced at Stacie and screamed, "its for the birds." Stacie was all about the birds, she loved the shit out of birds--its a flying animal for christ sake. Humans locomotion is not as fun as a lot of other animals, but that goes without saying. Where are we? Oh ya in the middle of a story. If my writing so far has conveyed the almost undetectable subtle subtext to the plot thus far you already know that Stacie and Doug are neighbors and they get along pretty good over all. What Stacie didn't know about Doug would later come to shock her, but not quite in the way she was suddenly shocked by a 11,000 volt blast of lightening. "Fuckin crazy.... bitch ass lightening, what the fuck, aaahh for christ's sake you alright Stacie" shouted a panicked Doug.

Stacie, shook her head, winced in pain, grimaced - a little bitch grimace, and was for a second transported back into her mind... deep into the recessions of her past... she recalled an event, a traumatic event, one that had shaken her, and rattled her, like the rattle of a rattle snake except this event had no serpent, no it was nothing like a rattle snake. Although she did have a fear of snakes. That could be foreshadow or irrelevant. But our story is so far: A woman, Stacy, recently struck by lightening, thrown back into a menacing memoir or her morbid memory, menacing in pain in front of Doug, her neighbor, who may be the first to realize the true power and fright of Stacie's non snake induced scare that caused a split: A split in her that could never be repaired. "What are you fucking deaf Stacie?" cried Doug. Waiting for a response he squinted his eyes into the darkness trying to make out the steaming silhouette of Stacie. "Jesus, smells like someone burnt a beaver out here," mumbled Doug as he waded through the darkness in the general direction of where he could last make out Stacie. Meanwhile Stacy was being confronted by the demons of her dark past: an R-rated horror movie she saw when she was only 13-years-old, that time she almost went into the mens bathroom, the one time she'd accidentally used a racial slur, and something involving demonic possession. Doug was holding his 12-gauge shotgun that he liked to keep at hand during the fierce lightning storms of the Nebraska summer. You see, at that moment Doug too was struggling with the emotions that his memory evokes during weather like this. Doug was subject to something as well in his younger years: something involving his son, his farm animals, and bestiality. Let's just say he never wanted to use that shotgun again but let's also just say he never wanted to be caught again without it, and have to go and get it, and use it... on his own loved ones. Not that he loved them all that much....he killed them all with a gunshot in the head after all.

These neighbor's knew not of each others problems. They had problems enough of their own, and they lived in a world of separation. Their ancestor's lived differently--for most of human history had lived in tight nit tribes and would vary rarely encounter any other person who they did not know like family. Yet here these two people just feet from each other and knew hardly anything of one another. Did this disconnect in the world they were living in lead to the mistrust and tension that brought two minds to possession and murder. How much of modern psychiatrically defined mental illness was present in our predecessors and how much of it only results for the strange world that the forces of human culture have brought about.

Doug went back into his house. He opened a bag of oreos and turned on the game. The next time he looked at the back he had eatin 18 oreos. "Holy balls that is 22,000 calories and 65% fat," said Doug in a soft lisp. And he was right it was 22,00 calories and 65% fat. He suddenly had a vision of his wife giving him a pedantic glance as she put the bag back in the cabinets. It was times like this that he thought most about the murder he had committed. It was a hot summer day, the air was moist and somehow heavy. The family was cooling down inside when little Jimmy had the fucking dank idea of playing monopoly. "You son of a bitch Jimmy," yelled Doug happily "you read my mind, set that shit up." The family was stoked as fuck. They were about to enter a world of dice rolling, purchase, transaction, and chance. In other words they were entering a world of intense pleasure, where emotions are formless, timeless, and transcendental. This was not Doug's day with the dice. He had only the light blue property and electric company. It was a fucked up situation. Doug did not like to lose and could feel the anger rising inside them. That is when he snapped. "Dieeeeee!!!!!," he screamed. He shoved the fake money down his wife's throat as his son looked on in horror. "How would you like to be next Mr. Boardwalk you capatalist fuck," yelled Doug to his son. "You think you can monopolize the real estate system, I got make a living you prick." He beat his head into the ground with a nine iron. He cried for 3 minutes afterward, and turned on espn to see what was happening in the world of sports.

Doug had watched 4 episodes of the same ESPNNEWS now. You know it's a god awful day when you've heard John Clayton weasel about groin strains for 2 hours. Doug stirred, he had feint recollections of some noise, some bullshit, and an unhappy ending in his head. "God damn ESPN shows," he mumbled, stepping over some bloodied masses on the living room floor. But there were more pressing issues at hand. He'd been thinking about Stacy a lot lately and that maybe it was time for a new family. This is what humans did, they constantly created new relationships and broke off their old ones because their old ones sucked worse than the ones that had come before that. They also killed a lot of people they didn't like. So it's easy to understand Doug and his fragile being given that it had been warped and contorted from years occupying this planet like silly putty under the weight of a giant ass. Doug had been crushed by it all but he still pushed on admirably. And so Doug picked up his phone but then put it down and went and looked at porn. Doug picked up his phone later but he realized he didn't have Stacey's number. "Ah cunt.." he thought "what am I going to do now?" But then Doug thought of a most wonderful idea. Stacy had recently been hit by lightening, and was completely without memory, immobile, and in a serious condition at the local emergency room. "I'll have her eating out of the palm of my hand," thought Doug, with some degree of literalness given her current state.

Rapin'

Today something serious happened. An attempted rape in Huntsville. According to this man, who is the brother of the attempted rape victim, they are "They rapin everybody out here" His advice hide your kids and hide yourself cuz they be and I repeat "They rapin everybody out here" so I should now talk about the actual advice to protect yourself from a rape. I repeat I should but since it is Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. I will now talk about advice to protect yourself from sharks.

1. Move around constantly kick and scream and wale. This will tell them that you really scared. They dont like weak pussies for their meals.

2. Do not swim in local lakes only oceans with sharks in them. Because how can you protect yourself from sharks if there is not any sharks at all.

3. Also if the shark looks like Jaws do not try to go hunt it. Instead find your local town pirate who has went on these shark hunts before. This man must have one piece of the body removed and now a replacement thing on it. For example

no hand- use a hook

no leg - use a wood leg

no eye -use a patch

4. Do not use any of this advice

5. And lastly never pay attention to rule number 4