possible movie scene

i made the purposefully gay/kidding comment last night out with some friends while crossing the rode that i wanted us to all be hit by a car and die together on the rode as friends. i was just thinking in movies whenever people are facing almost certain death they are supposed to cut through all the bullshit and say really meaningful and important things, but wouldn't it be funnier if you were lying there on the ground bleeding to death and everyone is still just making inane small talk about how the weather/if they saw the game last night/what there plans are for the holidays

apocalypse

times have never been better to start a cult claiming that jesus is returning and the end of world is near, and to possibly make millions of dollars from the frightened credulous masses

observations
1. massive economic crises
2. 2012 mayan calendar
3. cnn.com reports a earthquake every other day and everyone who posts below seems to be convinced that the christ is returning
4. massive volcanoe eruption
5. atheism is on the rise
6. some guy high up in the vatican claims that satan is currently in the vatican--again cnn.com
7. pope is under attack for his covering up child rape (satan is playing his tricks)
8. there was a massive fireball seen in the sky flying over wisconsin and could be seen in many midwest states (video of it on cnn.com is actually pretty cool)
9. who is this articulate black president trying to change everything anyway?
10. dominoes and applebees have completely revamped there menues
11. fransico lariano pitched 7 shutout innings
12. global warming
13. swine flu
14. technology is moving people farther from ever from there natural state
15. hallidron collider- particle accelerator or black hole destroyer?
16. people who post on cnn.com are really convinced that the end of the world is near. They also seem to be a bit racist and uneducated

Joke I Thought of a second ago watching the Masters

What if professional golfers weren't actually the best golfers in the world, they were actually just the best at getting away from their wifes and kids which lead to them being better at golf. like the things phil mickleson does to get away from his family before the masters is actually a lot more skillful than what he does at the masters.

'I'm not a manatee' blubbers local fat man

Morbidly obese local man Gustoff Bigalow protested today over his increasingly referenced likliness to a manatee. "I am NOT a manatee," Gustoff cried, "I am a MAN. A fat man with dreams like any of you. Unfortunately my fatness prohibits me from accomplishing any of them." Gustoff in fact does possess many of the same hopes and dreams that you or me might have such as scoring with a hot chick, performing admirably in athletics, going on vacations, doing active things, and having a fulfilling life. Tragically, Gustoff is a fat ass and can achieve none of those things in his current state of gluttony. "Gustoff is fat as shit," said neighbor Rick Stevens before adding, "I could never see myself becoming that fat. I'd never let myself." Which raises the question, at what stage did Gustoff see himself as getting dangerously close to being way too fucking fat? Clearly, it was too late.

Tom Brockhoff, NBC

and now my secular poem

the written word powerful it is
transcending time and shaping kids
the thoughts they have. their formed worldview
putting words to paper those authors never knew
that ideas had and so expressed
sealed fates of souls to beliefs cursed and blessed
so no individual lives untouched
words of the past they weigh too much
they build and build and over time
we touched the moon and swelled with pride
I stand in awe of this force unleashed
that planet earth brewed up this beast
here and now of a peculiar kind
a species of matter with a state of mind
a curious ability to understand
with cosmic absurdity it hopes and plans
yet how beautiful it is and so i can't help but find
that this momentary miracle is not wasted time

easter poem

find the right ideas before your dead
believe them fully to save your head
a slight misstep torment awaits
for the right path the pearly gaits
the designer sit up on high
keeping tabs on beliefs, who is this guy?
all this fuss and to what end
don't dare remark its all pretend
its not supposed to make any sense
so quick believe and for your sins repent