Kickstarter Project

PENGUIN MAN

Timberwolves Offseason Report

The smell lingered. It had emanated from his asshole, and the smell lingered. Wafts of curdled Indian spices splicing the air. You could feel it upon your cheeks, enveloping your body, your nostrils drinking it in. Wally cracked the window.

"Ooh, fack yaa" he exulted.

"Thanks, Szczerbs" replied Joe Smith, "That one's been roasting in the oven."

"D-lish" concurred Wally. 

Wally Szczerbiak and Joe Smith were cruising down 35W in an all black Range Rover, in the midst of an absolute marathon of drinking that had lasted the better part of 3 days.

 Szczerbiak was doing his best to follow the dotted lines while Smith was preparing a key bump, breaking down the eight ball of cocaine. 

"Bitch, we going to The Vu tonight!" exclaimed Smith.

"You got dat damn straight" murmured Szczerbs in agreement. "Those bitches be thirsting for a Szczerby snack."

The glare of the streetlights splashed across their tinted windows, merry makers abounded on the Minneapolis streets, the moon invigorated human flesh, night owls hooted hedonism. Wally took his eyes off of the road for a moment to readjust his coif. 

"That's fucking bitching" he thought to himself.

A Lark And A New Low

Pardon, and why are you here?

Nevertheless, I do commend you for coming this far.

Pray tell, how have you come this far...that is...what are you looking for?

<(. _ .)>

That?

I know a few people that would settle for that.

A hard lick on the guitar and a few crunchy beats. 

They see their name on a street sign or restaurant advertisement and shit themselves,

send a little thank you to God for discounted grocery prices.

We need a new definition of radical -

One that ignites the citizenry. 

Hello?

There's a war to be won! The Tingy Wingy Colony Voyage to depart soon!

We've been caught in the ethereal realms of the world wide web , perusing its naves and bowels, finding nice little niches to house our new thoughts. 

There's a monster playing in the scaffolding of our culture. 

The big surprise of 2014 so far is that we're still in low supply of adamantium, the indestructible metal alloy with which we could forge our spaceships and exoskeletons. 

I'm not Dr. Frankenstein but I'd say the monster has come to life. Tearing at the framework and digesting the zeitgeist. 

In the days of Michelangelo they liked to strip a man down to his waist, blindfold him and put him in a cage with a cat. Party goers would then watch the man kill the cat and tear it limb from limb. Now we have the Super Bowl on Sunday. 

Peak a boo I found you.

The blog has been found by me the asian man.  Crouching tiger hidden asian.  I find this blog while I eat my fried rice and I find it to be very nice.  All the way from the region of asia I stay and I search internet long and hard.  When I find this blog I tell all the villagers and when these read the good news of the tingy wingys they do rejoice and be glad and be glad.

an email to m knight shamalan

dear mr shaman,

I praise your work.  U have done well, and proven yourself as a filmmaker.  I trust you are a very busy man and find yourself stretched for time to come up with your breathtaking ideas and twists.  I was hoping to aid in these efforts and offer a few movie ideas I have come up with for you to use in your films.  The ideas are as follows:

1. you start with a farmer looking at his crops. "this can't be possible" he says. scan out and his entire crop is dying.  Across the country crops are dying everywhere.  We begin to have food shortages.  Nationwide there is a panic to find out what is going on.  Scientist find that changes in climate having rapidly changed the life and evolutionary progression of species of insects that thrive off of human crops.  Here you have the start to a futuristic hollywood blockbuster: Global Warming

2. you begin with a shot of an empty city, trash bags flowing in the wind. cut to a line, a giant line wrapping around the entire city, it spans for miles and off into the horizon. zoom in on a single man in that line -he's at the front. The camera is ahead of him - he's DJ Casper, artist behind the club anthem "Cha Cha Slide" and conqueror of Earth in an alternate reality. "This time...we're gonna get funky!" he screams out, "Everybody clap your hands!" CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA is the clapped reply of millions. They're planning an invasion of Earth...our Earth. 

3. you begin with two dragons. they are not relevent to the plot, but who doesn't want to see two big dragons breathing a neat amount of fire at the beginning of any movie.  you then show the country of Austria.  Some United States tourist made a comment that he couldn't find any kangaroos.  The Austrian pulls out a gun and kills the tourist, because he is sick of people thinking Austria is Australia.  Then the twist is the Austrian walks up to the United States tourist and sees he that the tourist was wearing a mask.  He pulls the mask off.  It is himself from the future and he is currently in the movie Loopers.

*Movie Title here*

Cast:

Keanu Reeves as Jimmy Neutron

Megan Fox as the Hot Girl (who almost gets naked but doesn't but a lot of people will come watch this movie just because the hot girl almost got naked)

Morgan Freeman as the Narrator

Jackie Chan as Lee Wang

Jar Jar Binks as Leonardo di Caprio

              Frank Thomas as Fred Mcgriff

Storyline:

The year is 2040.  Only one million people are left on planet Earth.  Lee Wang, Jimmy Neutron and the Hot Girl, as well as Fred McGriff and Leonardo di Caprio. They are getting 100% of their sustenance by drinking their own piss in a post apocalyptic world. Fred McGriff is senile and thinks he's Kirby Puckett. Leonardo di Caprio says "Is'a okey den, dah Gungans deh is mmmmh ANI! ANI!" while the Hot Girl flicks her bean. Lee Wang sneaks up behind Jimmy Neutron and snaps his tiny animated neck like a twig, "uuuuah" groans the boy genius as he dies. 

Details: 

Country: United Arab Emirates

Language: English, Spanish, Chinese

Release Date: November 22, 2012

Box Office: 

Projected revenue: $27.50

Company Credits:

Production Co: Ting Wingy Productions, Disney

Technical Specs:

Runtime: 44 minutes

Camera: A very nick camera

Did you know?

That Keanu Reeves said over 100 lines in this movie totaling over 500 words. This is the most he has spoken in any movie.

Reviews:

"Take me out me out for a cheap dinner and rape me in the mouth." - Dan Jenson, New York Times

"The plot is a tour de force.  The cast is a tour de france.  The special effects are as special as a boy with down syndrome.  Frank Thomas as Fredd Mcgriff thinking he was kirby puckett gives a performance of a lifetime (I really thought it was Fred Mcgriff)."  Randy Cendrick, Rolling Stones